Hello Dear Ones!
This week’s blog post was inspired by my Morning Pages writings of March 15th. Here’s what I wrote:
The word if … how often in my life do I plan this or that… if it’s possible, if I can, if it’s allowed, if it’s available? It’s a word dependent upon all things outside of myself. I’ve found myself using it at least once almost every day since.The recognition of this simple word in my daily plans and activities tells me how frequently I actually rely on people and situations outside of my control before making plans for a wide variety of aspects in my life.
If it doesn’t rain, I’ll go for a walk. If I do go for a walk, I can stop at my fave spot and sit awhile with my latest book, if that spot is available. I didn’t sleep well last night, so if it does rain, I’ll have a nap this afternoon. Me, always compromising.
Get the drift? Does any of this sound familiar?
So, what have I gleaned from my query into this behavioural pattern? Well, it seems I’m dealing with what appears to be compromises that suggest a lack of trust and faith in myself and yet also in things outside of myself. It seems that during these pandemic times I have gone from a strong, wise, powerful woman ~ a woman who knew what she wanted in life and was well on her way to the unfolding of a vision ~ to a woman who has become afraid of life.
My vision was to take Mike’s and my Free Hugs activities across Canada. All the puzzle pieces to make this dream a reality were falling beautifully in place! That was as of January 2020. As you might imagine, that dream collapsed as of March of that year. After having hugged close to 40,000 people over an 11-year span of time and with folks from over 89 countries around the world, hugs had now become a taboo activity. For many people, hugs had become taboo even between family members, let alone for folks from around the world. Our last Free Hugs session was on March 1st, 2020 and most of the folks we had been privileged to interact with in this fashion that day were from places outside of Canada! When we caught the news later that evening, we realized we would be wise to self-isolate for 14 days, which we did. Blessings be, nothing came of it. But that was the last hug session we did. And, as of this writing one full year later, there is no time in sight as to when, if ever, that precious activity might possibly start up again.
The loss of a dream, the destruction of a vision… it broke my heart and my spirit. Can any of you relate? What dreams did you have to put on hold?
And it seems that loss affected me in more far reaching ways than I had realized. Yet… now that I have recognized the impact this past year has had on my well-being, where do I go from here?
I did some more indepth writing on the subject. Here’s what unfolded in my writings yesterday:
There has to be an answer, something I can do to shift from where I am to where I was. What if… and that’s where my AHA moment grabbed me! What if??? Absolutely! What if? I had added one word to what has been holding me back: from if? to what if? What if I shift my thoughts from dependency on outside sources to my own inner inspirations and strengths? So what if it rains? What if I grab my umbrella and go for a walk because I want to walk? What if my special spot by the ocean isn’t available for a sit? I’ll have my book with me; what if I choose in that moment to nestle onto that new bench the city installed that’s away from the walking path with a lovely view of its own!
So I’ve started to let go of the negatives and the limitations and flip them to positives and potentials! That sounds like the me I remember from the beginning of last year! That’s the positive note I wish to relay to you, Dear Reader! I’ve let the Pollyanna in me return to her prime place of importance and value in my life. It may take some work. There may be a few failures or setbacks, but I know it’s well worth the pursuit!
Are you playing a role of prime importance in your own life? I hope so! If not, however, hopefully something I’ve shared here today gives you the impetus and/or the courage to step toward valuing yourself more highly. Wishing you happy journeys, even if (or perhaps especially if), those journeys take you within yourself.
In Light and Laughter,