Marcia’s Meanderings – A Crisis of Spirit

Hello Dear Ones!

Reflecting back to the AHA moments in my life – and there have been so very many of them! – I smile at the ‘Wow and Wonderful’ uplifting qualities of these incredible experiences. Each has revealed some aspect within or about me and opened me up to the potential for expansion toward a deeper spiritual growth.  As each AHA arrived, so too came the joyous recognition that its arrival meant change, adventure, and amazing options …

… until this week …

Me – Marcia, the eternal optimist, the definitive Pollyanna – has gone through a radical, life-altering shift that has blasted a hole in my psyche and shaken my spirituality right down to its roots. A core belief was revealed through a simple statement that I made in general conversation. The listener asked me if I realized what I had just said, and repeated my words back to me. Hearing them from someone else and recognizing the validity of those words as having originated from within me, had me reeling in shock.

I have spent this entire week attempting to grapple with the impact of this far-reaching, gut-wrenching revelation. Even today – five days since that conversation – I am dealing with issues of anger, resentment, confusion, fear,  and doubt – all directed at my own self plus at my Self, and yes, even at the Divine! Maybe especially at the Divine!

As is typical for me, there is also a positive bent to this situation. I am spending quality time focusing on the fabulous aspects of my current life, appreciating what is in my reality and all that makes my life precious. Though the words ‘attempting to focus’ might be more appropriate at times, I find myself reaching out for hope while the spiritual tenet of trust remains … elusive.

So while I have an agonizing ache within my soul, while there is a sense of loss and longing and emptiness sitting heavily on my chest, while I seek out the answers that I know are not out ‘there’ somewhere but are buried deep within me to aid me through this leg of my spiritual journey, I am going through the motions of living life with appreciation and joy. One moment I am feeling so overwhelmingly victimized by the recognition and impact of this ‘old’ belief. The next moment I am laughing as I see an adult running through the sprinkler, arms spread and face uplifted to catch the water droplets on his tongue!

For those of you who hold to the Law of Attraction, my dichotomy of rock-bottom low vibrational frequency of negative expression contrasted with the sporadic and less frequent yet very positive high vibrational frequency must have the Divine in a tailspin! Good! Maybe it’ll shake out a solution more quickly!!!!!

I’ll get through this. I’m strong. I’m a powerful, spiritual, multi-dimensional being who has the wisdom of All That Is within me. I merely need to open myself up to recognizing my answer – the solution – before I trip over it and fall flat on my face. Blessings be to my sense of humour … especially in spite of myself …

That’s it for today, Dear Ones!

In Light and yes … even Laughter,

Marcia

(Note:  It was a tough decision not to express to you what this core belief is. The effect it has had on me is of more significance to me and potentially to you, Dear Reader. After all, my core beliefs will be different from your own. And yet it is my wish that something in my physical, emotional and spiritual response to its revelation may be of assistance to you should you ever experience such a crisis of spirit in your own life.)

2 Replies to “Marcia’s Meanderings – A Crisis of Spirit”

  1. akigibbons

    Marcia, thank you for sharing this life-changing experience. I have no doubt you will come through this stronger than ever. Although we've never met in person – and probably never will – I sense through your words and tweets a being of tremendous joy, compassion, positive energy and vibrancy. Your connectedness to life and love will carry you through. Sending you healing thoughts!

    1. tomarciamae

      Bless you, Aki, for your gracious words, your wise counsel and your healing thoughts. You are most perceptive. Yes, this has been, and is definitely, a life-changing experience – with me coming through it stronger, richer and wiser for it when all is said and done. And we all know I shall not lose even one iota of my Pollyanna qualities through the process! Loving ((((((hugs)))))),
      Marcia

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.