Please click this link first. I’ll wait.
I haven’t posted any of my writings for some time now; no reason except a lack of time, and as the saying goes, there are 168 hours in the week – what you do with them is up to you! Anyway, I’m going to add some more of my archived writings for the reason mentioned above, but I think there’s some good stuff in there. Before I do I wanted to add one comment. I used to do a fair number of talks on spirituality and other things, and before I began my talks I always mentioned two things. First, I asked the people in the audience to put away their pens, paper, computers, etc. and just listen, because if your brain can’t do two jobs at the same time. If you’re trying to write and listen at the same time, one or both are going to lose out. Second, I told everyone not to believe a single word I said… at least not until they each took the time to absorb the information and decide for themselves, “This much I like, this I can agree with. This part I’m not sure about; I’m going to have to think about this for a bit. This part isn’t for me, at least not for now. I’m going to set this part aside.” I think it’s vital that each of us do that with everything we experience. It’s very easy to accept something as true because someone said it or you read it in a book or saw it on the ‘net or the late movies, but what’s more important, at least to me, is to decide how this information resonates within you. Seth said:
“You must realize that any idea you accept as truth is a belief that you hold. You must, then, take the next step and say, ‘It is not necessarily true even though I believe it.’ You will, I hope, learn to disregard all beliefs that imply basic limitations.” ~ The Nature of Personal Reality, session 614.
Of course, you’re welcome to disagree with both of us!
Here’s a look at my writings:
December 9, 2008
Thought a little Seth might be good to get me going…
“I have spoken of ‘you,’ yet this must not be confused with the you that you often think you are – the ego alone, for the ego is only a portion of You; it is the expert part of your personality that deals directly with the contents of your conscious mind, and is concerned most directly with the material portions of your experience.” ~ The Nature of Personal Reality, Session 613.
“While it is true that the body is the living materialization of ideas, it is also true that these ideas form an active, responsive alive body. The body is not just a tool to be used. It is not just a vehicle for the spirit. It is the spirit in flesh.” ~ The Nature of Personal Reality, Session 630.
“All of creation is sacred and alive, each part connected to each other part, and each communicating in a creative cooperative commerce in which the smallest and the largest are equally involved.” ~ Psychic Politics, The Codicils.
Anyway, here’s what I wrote out today.
I recognized a couple of things today I can let go of. The first was an idea that my life is like a train barreling along in a certain direction, and then there’s me, hanging on to the side and attempting to get it to change its course – and having about as much effect as a flea on an elephant. That’s definitely a ‘To Me’ stance, however, and it’s definitely time to let that go. Related to that was another idea that reminds me of the legendary battle between King Richard of England and Charlemaine of Persia. The battle never actually happened, but the way the story goes the two men met on the battlefield and King Richard said, “I show you the power of England.” Drawing his two-handed, 5-ft. long broadsword he swung and cut a sapling in half. Nonplussed, Charlemaine said, “I show you the power of Persia.” He removed a silk handkerchief from his person and tossed it in the air, then drew his scimitar and cut the handkerchief in four.
This story illustrates to me what I’ve believed to be the difference between physical and non-physical realities. The non-physical is lightning quick, a dance of energy, light and form, shifting and changing. Physical reality by comparison is slow and heavy, plodding along and requiring great effort to change. Now, given those two choices, who wouldn’t want to be the first one? I know I would. But again, what came to me was not that this is an assessment of what physical and non-physical realities are, but rather how I’ve seen them and thus created in my experience. Going back a few years, I was in a place where my greatest desire was to feel ‘safe’ – I didn’t feel safe even within my own being. And so I have created a world where I am safe – a safe, solid, staid view of reality. But now I recognize that I am safe, that I live in a safe universe, and so I’m ready to expand, to take in a little… let’s say ‘adventure’ and not ‘danger’. And so, once again my view of what is possible in the physical is changing. It’s funny. I see myself as being in physical reality and yet ‘I’ as my conscious mind/ ego am not physical. I have a physical body, a physical brain, but my thoughts, ideas, dreams, insights, etc. are not physical, tangible things. I think the second Seth quote at the beginning of this section fits in well here. Anyway, this is a perspective I’ve not really considered before. For much of my life I was almost completely disassociated from my body; if I looked in the mirror I recognized that the person staring back was ‘Me’, but I didn’t really connect that image to how I saw myself. My idea of ‘Me’ was almost completely connected to my intellect, and to a lesser extent my intuition. As I embarked on my healing journey I felt I had to include my association with my body as a part of that, and began to strengthen that relationship. I began to ‘get my feet in the mud’ as I was told by the Source once in a channeling session. And – I just thought of this – I saw that idea of strengthening my relationship with my physical self as ‘descending’. In the laws of physics, E = MC2 sort of stuff, matter is energy that is really slowed down. Bingo. And so becoming physical meant slowing down my naturally energetic frequencies and ‘descending’ into this reality. Ugh. Put like that, it doesn’t sound too appealing! A lot of what I’ve been attempting to do is to elevate my physical reality to a higher state, and with a Christian upbringing ‘higher and ‘lower’ have definite connotations. However, as I wrote yesterday, I don’t need to change my world – I only need to change my view of the world. Rather than going to the considerable time and effort of elevating my physical reality to a higher state of being, I can simply accept that it’s already at a higher state than I’ve believed it to be. There’s a section in the CC writings that talks about cleaning grime off a window and seeing clearly for the first time. Hmmm…
So, my conscious mind deals primarily with physical reality, but is not physical. And physical reality is largely if not entirely based on my beliefs of it, or as I wrote long ago – there is no fixed reality, there are only perceptions of it.
That reminds me of a quote from ‘Illusions’ by Richard Bach, which is, “Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.” So the real question is, “Am I willing to accept a completely different idea of what physical reality can be?
Okay, it’s coming up to 1:00 again, and so I’m going to let this go for now…
December 10, 2008
Well, it’s been a convoluted day today. I was thinking about that Seth quote yesterday about the body being the spirit in flesh, and I combined that with what Marcia asked me recently about Shore Slocum and our dream home and thought that our home is, in a way, my spirit expressed as a house. That reminds me of a section from the CC writings:
“All of your coincidences make perfect sense – how else could it occur but in the way which you BELIEVE, and in a way which SHOWS you what you believe. You believe in telepathy? You experience telepathy! You believe in creation, you experience creation! You believe in limitation? You experience limitation! This is the sum total of your life experience! So rather than trying to sort out the underlying beliefs, why not simply admit that it’s ALL beliefs. The cars on the street, the birds in the trees, the bunnies on the lawn, all belief. All you, creating, to show you yourself. All belief! Who are you? Who do you believe you are? Imagine that the truth is that you do NOT exist. That this is simply a void space which you have filled with your imagination and you have filled it SO well that you have believed that your creation is REAL. But there is nothing here.
There is nothing here but YOU. All of you. Experiencing all of you. And calling it real. And no amount of evidence that you pile up will change it! Ask yourself when you’re dreaming, when you’re caught up in the drama of a dream, do you not feel the ground under your feet? Do you not experience the reality of the dream? You have trained yourselves so well in this dream of physical reality that you hardly EVER allow yourselves to experience the KNOWING that it is your creation, that it IS your dream. Sometimes, in your dream states, you will remember you are dreaming and you will say, “Oh, this is a dream. Oh, I can change this if I want to because this is a dream.” See if you can do it in your physical reality dream! The nature of the dreams are the same. “This is a dream. I can change it if I want to.” And change it. In the dreams, you never ask yourselves, “Oh, HOW will I change it??? Oh, how will I make it happen?” You are not helpless; it is YOUR dream. You say to yourself, “This is a dream, I can change it!” – and you change it!
Choose. Act from the place within yourself that knows and request the rational mind to participate in the uncovering of the beliefs. And the selection of new choices. Let the rational mind tell you all of the things it wants, and then give it to them – give it to yourself. Now, perhaps, some of you are going to be very frustrated with us. And with yourselves. Perhaps once again we will be accused of saying things so directly that are so simple and yet which you will lament are so difficult to achieve. We are smiling as we remind you that this is a belief. PLAY with your lives. After all, what is the WORST consequence possible? You will DIE and wake up from the dream. And perhaps you will do this before you do what you are so sure you want to do. You will lose your love; you will lose your grand idea.
Choose. And remember that the fastest way to lose your love or grandest idea is to forget that this IS the dream. Do not be afraid. Take your grandest visions of yourselves and create them! For what else could you possible be here to do? And what risk are you taking? None! The only real risk is that you fail to seek, to be, the grandest vision of yourself. The rest is all details. Yesterday, today, tomorrow, earlier, later.”
My conscious mind is my spirit expressed as physically focused consciousness. My spirit, expressed as an animal, would be a wolf, and so on. Now in one way none of these aspects can express the fullness of my spirit, but in another way that sentence is moot because infinity has no divisions. It’s an interesting way to look at things though, thinking about my living spirit expressed into different forms, and about my physical reality as a whole as being an expression of myself.
And that got me thinking about something else. Several years ago I felt like I was being boxed in, and so in my meditations I saw myself as being in a little room, all white, with four walls, a ceiling, and no door. And during my meditations I used to dismantle the walls and the ceiling, and I kept doing that over and over, and finally I was left with this big empty space – no walls, no ceiling, just white space. But that’s the point. It was infinite, but it was also empty. It’s a Buddhist view of infinity – Nirvana, a great melting pot where all individuality is lost. But recognizing that is very important, because it’s another mirror to where things have been going in my life. As I’ve been exploring my own infinity, I’ve been stripping away my physical life, down to that blank white space. Wrong!!!!! I wrote recently about seeing God in the details, and this is a further expression of this. Funny, when people experience NDEs they often talk about a tunnel and a bright white light – might be conditioning, or it may be, as the CC writings have said, like clearing grime from the window. But it brings me back to thinking about what I’ve supposed my life will be like in the non-physical after the end of my life here. No harp playing or clouds, but what have I been looking to? Infinite emptiness? No… So that begs the question of what I expect infinity to look like. I am a fully aware, strong, powerful, multidimensional spiritual being, expressing myself into physical reality. I am a creator. Now, what is it I’m creating?
Actually, a thought that just popped into my head comes from a meditation I did with Marcia, years and years ago. I was talking her through it, and when she closed her eyes she found herself in a desert. She felt like she was a desert. It was very barren, not unlike my great empty ‘room’. It was very ‘cold’, empty. Even though she moved around in this space, she didn’t see anything as far as she could see. And so I suggested she bring some rain to this desert inside her, and everything was changed. Plants grew. Flowers opened. Animals showed up. And within a very short time, her inner ‘desert’ was transformed. I had forgotten about that until just now. So, what happens when I bring ‘rain’ to my blank white desert? What does infinity look like to me? Well, it doesn’t look empty to me anymore; it looks full. And so I can fill this space with love and laughter and food and travel and friends and family and inspiring conversation. I can fill this space with joy and music and dance and art. I can fill this space with all of the things and ideas that are important to me. I can make this space beautiful, making this ‘house of the soul’ into my home, into me. The infinite me. Wow… It’s so beautiful!
When I was younger I used to hold a barely definable grip on physical reality and on my body and on ‘me’ because I wasn’t interested in being in this world, in this life. That took years to change, and slowly I began to enjoy my life, to being in this world. Marcia was a big influence in that; she gave me a safe place in which to learn how to be me. In my own way I did that for her, too. Anyway, even as I grew within myself, my focus has been largely toward expanding my ideas of physical reality, to open up my conscious mind to all that it can be, and to make this physical reality as much like the non-physical as possible. One of my favourite Seth quotes is something to the effect that it’s not that we live in a lesser reality but that we haven’t recognized the extent of the reality in which we do exist. And so that’s what I’ve been interested in… finding the extents of my reality. But now I hold up that idea to my image of infinity as being this huge empty space and things slide together. Time to change that view. Time to accept that All That Is isn’t just the aggregation of everything, but All That Is in fact is everything, just as it is. And so infinity isn’t found in doing away with limits or removing things from my life, but in accepting the infinite exquisite detail that can be found in everything. It’s time to make my life full. Wow… Now that’s an infinity I can get into. As to physical death, I don’t see it as a stripping away of all of the symbols we use to express our reality, at least not right away. Instead, I think it’s an adding to, an awareness of more, of different dimensions and Ways of Being. More than going from the 8-pack of Crayola crayons to the 128-pack, but also adding in things like watercolours, oils, brushes, and music, dance as well…
Okay, one last thing before I shut this off for the night and that’s a section in the CC writings:
“Releasing Old Conditioning, No Compromises
Understand that a part of the new creation is a required shift in emotional relationships and attitudes, such that, behaviors no longer acceptable to you provoke a response of unacceptance, in you. There is nothing wrong with this. Follow the impulse, release the energy. Recognize where your past training in these areas of politeness, suppression, and going along with were against your own inner desires.
You may find yourself putting your foot down, rather forcefully, and of course, recognize that any time you do this, those who have, in the past, thoughtlessly and relentlessly taken advantage will be startled, perhaps unpleasantly. This too, is perfectly all right. Retraining is retraining, and is not to be feared. The agitation that you feel in these moments comes from the conflict between the new desire being honored and the old pattern seeking to enforce itself. The energy produced, a sense of frustration/ resentment/ irritation, is simply the friction of the release. The best use of this energy is movement honoring the new desire and destroying the old pattern. Make no apologies. None are necessary. Not to yourself, or to others.
Apologies are counterproductive at this time because they provide the message that the new desire needs apology. It does not. This reordering of more of the inner space goes on, on all levels. You have rightly sensed that much of your dreamwork at this time is also allowing you to release this old energy. Continue on this path of directness, on this straightforward and honest approach. The more directly you proceed, the more directly you arrive. This is a reclaiming of your own ground. This is a reclaiming of what is yours to own and the respect that is yours to demand. You are setting out new fenceposts. And this is a good thing. Set them where you want them the first time and you won’t have to set them again.
In a sense, you are overcoming the old art of compromise in those areas where it never could serve you. Compromise is not a requirement and you know this instinctively. The discomfort also arises because it is easier to carry the picture of yourself that is agreeable and compromising than it is to carry the picture of yourself that is not. We would suggest that the uncompromising self is in better alignment, more able to be honest, and ultimately is the self that requires total acceptance. Do not be swayed by momentary discomfort. So have it your way and remember clarity and directness. These are the tools to take you where you seek to go in all things.
It may seem to you at times, that the new desires and impulses are capricious, or insupportable. They will clash directly with old patterns of rescuing, conciliation, putting OTHERS in front of self. We insist, adamantly, that this is not so and that if you will follow the course you will see this clearly. Instead, the opposite is true. And the new impulses and desires, the course which seeks first and above all else to highly honor the self, ultimately, leads all of those in contact with you, to this same place.
In time, you will learn a smoothness and gentleness to this approach. At present it may seem to you that you are being abrupt or short tempered. This is partly because old patterns depended upon the force of anger in order to establish the most minor of boundaries. As you realize, recognize, and honor the new integrity with the self, the stridence will gradually dissipate. In any event, it is nothing to be concerned over, merely something to be aware of. You have been letting people step on your feet, and now you have decided that it is time to stop.
Please understand that on the path of your choosing, this is not an idle whim, but a basic requirement. We hope this has restored, to some degree, your confidence in yourself and your confidence in the process. We offer this understanding as our rose for your valentine, with a reminder that the first valentine is you, and until everyone who knows you knows this, you will still have a lot of kicking to do.”
And so, by accepting myself as being less than, because I’ve simply considered myself to be less or for whatever reason, I’ve stepped into this circle. In stepping into this circle, I’ve willingly accepted all of the negativity that others have been willing to unload on me. That’s not a ‘poor me’ statement, but a statement of choice. And when I realized that tonight, I decided that I don’t need to push away those energies. I don’t need to get angry or forceful, and I have no kicking to do. Instead, I simply refuse to accept them anymore, and so they must pass through me and return to their original source. I can do this now without judgement because I’ve learned to move beyond judgement of myself and others. I am aware, and in being aware I am more conscious of my power than those who are not. And so I simply refuse their ‘gifts’ in this. I am putting myself in the center of my creations, and inviting into my circle those who share my ideas, my feelings of joy, my awareness of my own power. And together this group of us will continue to create our lives in joy and bounty. Actually, that reminded me of a dream I had several years ago. In the dream I was living in a small community of people, a loving, helpful community where everyone shared and everyone worked well with everyone else. It was a joyful place, a wonderful place to be. It was in the US, somewhere in the Midwest, and the community was surrounded by forest. At the end of the dream I soared up from the ground and as I got higher I could see that the world around this community was at war, and there were fires and destruction everywhere. But this community was untouched, and not because they’d built a protective bubble around themselves to keep out the darkness, but simply because the light shone out from them. When I used to travel in my meditations I always appeared as light being, and any attempts at violence or darkness passed right through me. In exchange, a touch of loving, healing light transformed the darkness into light. I no longer see the world in terms of that duality, with dark forces and energies and light forces, but someone’s fear is a dark force to them, operating in their lives, especially if they haven’t acknowledged it.
And so when I think about my life, when I think about those things I desire, I am doing it for me. And when I succeed, and I already have, then those who once denounced me may change their tunes. Maybe they’ll simply be happy for us, and maybe they’ll be reconciliatory, and maybe they’ll be secretly jealous, but none of that matters. Only loving intentions find their way to me. The rest I simply refuse to accept, or even notice. That is the stance of a conscious co-creator as I see it.
My love to me.
P.S. One more thing before I sign out. A thought came to me with regard to Seth’s quote about how we seek experiences that reinforce our beliefs and avoid those that threaten them, and that was that from the perspective of someone who is consciously aware, it’s not about seeking or avoiding so much as it is about choice. I choose experiences that are in line with my expanding beliefs, and I choose not to participate in experiences that don’t fit with that. Seems like a much more mature stance to me.
December 14, 2008
I haven’t done any writing for the past few days, but I do have a few notes to write out.
A little Jane Roberts this time to get things started…
“Each person is a unique version of an inner model that is in itself a bank of potentials, variations, and creativity. The psyche is a seed of individuality and selfhood, cast in space-time but ultimately independent of it.” ~ Psychic Politics, The Codicils.
The past few days I’ve been very… physical would be the word, meaning that I’ve confined my mental activities to those dealing with this level of reality. I get into periods like that where my metaphysical self seems to get turned off, or maybe it’s just that my focus turns outward instead of inward for a while. No matter, it is what it is.
A couple of nondescript things here. The first is that apparently when I was younger, I only crawled backwards. I’d be getting myself backed into places and stuck all of the time, and my mother had to try and find me – under the bed, behind the couch or wherever. Seems I was going my own way even then. The second is that there was a new Anne of Green Gables special on TV tonight, and my mother mentioned that my grandfather wanted to name her Anne Shirley for some reason. My grandmother didn’t want Anne as a first name, so she got Shirley Anne.
One note I have for myself here that ties in with something I’ve written before, is that physical reality is more open and more plastic than I’ve given it credit for. Actually, to make this statement true or false is incorrect, because both are possible, depending on choices made. And so it would be better to say that I am choosing to experience a physical reality that is more open and more plastic than I’ve experienced before. Therefore I can expect changes in my life to come faster and easier than ever before.
Tied in with that, I was thinking today that my being here has brought me to consider many of my earliest held beliefs, and while I have been doing that, I also thought today that doing so is completely unnecessary. For a long time I went searching for the answers to my ‘now’ in my past, seeking to uncover the foundation or cause for certain beliefs that I’ve entertained, and believing that by uncovering the roots of those beliefs I could bring healing to that earlier time and also be free of the consequences of those experiences. Where I’m at now, however, is being more aware of the fact that energy isn’t restricted by time, and so I don’t have to go back into my memories to bring healing there. By healing myself in my now, I consequently affect both my past and my future. And there’s no need to go back into my past to uncover the roots of long-held beliefs because all that matters is whether or not they are currently held beliefs. And I wouldn’t be concerned about them unless they were beliefs I was still holding on to. Again, healing my now, giving up those beliefs now and making better choices now is all that matters. It’s not that I can’t affect the past or the future, it’s that I don’t have to specifically seek out to change the past and the future because by creating a better now my past and future are aligned automatically. Much simpler.
I am a creator. I am a fully aware, strong, powerful, multidimensional spiritual being. I’m still coming to terms with what that all means, in terms of my Self and my conscious mind and the connections and all. Intellectual understanding isn’t really enough. There’s a level of comprehension that I’m just beginning to grasp, and even when I grasp onto that, there’s so much more.
Last Thursday, after the talk at the Bohemian I wandered around Mosaic Books for a while. I didn’t buy anything, but I peeked into a few books I hadn’t looked at before, and a couple of things jumped out at me. The first was from ‘Conversations with God’ by Neale Donald Walsh. And in there he wrote about how we are already in heaven but don’t realize it, and so we put ourselves on a journey to discover heaven, and we’re willing to go through hell to do it. Interesting turn of phrase. He said that the journey to heaven is a journey to nowhere; in fact, you could think of heaven as the space between the w and the h, which means that heaven is now – here. I like that!
And the second thing was from Abraham’s latest book. I opened the book ‘at random’, and there was a section about the first person to run the four minute mile, and how after someone had done it, other people found it possible as well, and now people run four-minute miles or less all of the time. What’s needed is someone who’s willing to be free from being dissuaded that it’s not possible because it’s never happened before. When I think about many of the ideas I have for my own life, I certainly fall into that category. Much of what I want to do, to my knowledge, has never been done before. I need to stop telling myself that it’s not possible.
Coming back to what I wrote about my inner self / outer self and understanding who I am, brings me around again and again to the idea that my conscious mind is the determinant for what happens in my life, but my conscious mind isn’t responsible for creating what happens in my life. That falls to other aspects of my self. And when I think about it, the issue that I bump up against over and over is the idea that the rest of my self finds the thoughts and ideas of my conscious mind worth listening to. This goes back to the idea of duality, and seeing my conscious self as being separate and/ or less than my inner self. However, by refusing to see the value of my own consciousness, or questioning whether other aspects of my self see my conscious mind/ ego as valuable, I devalue myself as a whole. Hmmm… Still something to work on.
A thought that came to me last night with regard to the desires I have is that I’ve always felt that they haven’t materialized because there was more for me to do – some belief to surrender, some new learning or understanding, some action to take, whatever. But what came to me last night was to consider that maybe there is nothing more for me to do. And recognizing that, recognizing that I AM, right now, in the perfect place to create every one of my desires, is the final spark that lights the flame. Hmmm… again.
Okay, I’m going to sign out of this for tonight, but before I go, one final note, which is even when I turn my consciousness away from this inner work, it doesn’t leave. As soon as I turn back, it’s right there, ready to continue.
Oh, I almost forgot. I’ve been re-reading Frances Mayes’ book ‘A Year in the World’, and there were a couple of things I wanted to make note of. The first was that as they travel – they’re in England at the moment, she’s involved with plants and gardens. Page 214 makes mention of the fact that she planted some herbs by the kitchen door of the one house they were renting, for example. And that got me thinking about Marcia and me and our history of planting and moving. Every time we plant a garden, we move. Every time we plant anything we move, or so it seems. So how about reversing that? Rather than planting at our home and then having to move our home to somewhere else, how about traveling from our home, and planting seeds where we travel? Could be a tree planting exercise, a few herbs in a window pot, even a pot of flowers for someone, somewhere. I really like this idea.
On page 237 (while in England), she wrote, “I’ve already been devouring Penelope Lively, whose memoir about growing up in Egypt I liked last year. Since Lively knows this area, I read two novels, looking for clues about living here. But I find that her writerly detachment from her adopted landscape keeps the place at a distance. In Italy, I realize, I have not sought such detachment myself, although when I moved part of my life there, I intended to maintain just such a separation between home and Tuscany. Italy would be a place to write, a place to have friends visit, a locus for travel. Against my will, Italy slowly became home. My long internal, secret desire to return to the American South, where I was born and grew up, slowly dissolved. All of my adult life I’d felt exiled and I am shocked, but the south of Tuscany became home for me, who had no Italian ancestor, not a drop of Mediterranean blood. By the time that happened I felt a strange rapture within. Another landscape had taken over, taken me in, shaped me to its own requirements, pleasures, and history. If I lived here, I probably would start making cheese and collecting teapots. I have a feeling this place would take me. I’d get heather-hued sweaters, a golden retriever, and a large umbrella, take up knitting, and become a strictly no-nonsense, practical village woman who volunteered at the church jumble sale.”
I don’t know that I’d want to take up residence in the Cotswolds of England, but then again, I’ve never been there. What I love about this section, however, is the intimate connection to the land. At the beginning of the book she wrote about travel as a way of immersing one’s self into the local culture, and that really fascinates me. How much is possible to know in a few days or weeks or whatever is irrelevant here; I think the important thing is the willingness to try. It seems to me that some people, ‘tourists’ see travel as akin to a visit to the zoo. Stare at the funny creatures, don’t touch, and then move on. Rather than diving into the scents, sounds, colours, movements, sounds of a place, they want to bring their idea of ‘home’ with them. That’s not ‘wrong’ if that’s what interests them, but it’s not for me. I want to breathe the differences in the air, feel the different angles of the sunlight, look up at different stars. I love that idea!!
Okay. Now I’m going to sign off, but I found this (rather long) Seth quote that I figured I’d stick in here:
“A continuation of our discussion on suffering.
“I feel sometimes as if I am expected to justify life’s conditions, when of course they do not need any such justification.
“Your beliefs close you off from much otherwise quite-available knowledge concerning man’s psychology – knowledge that would serve to answer many questions usually asked about the reasons for suffering. Other questions, it is true, are more difficult to answer. Men and women are born, however, with curiosity about all sensations, and about all possible life experiences. They are thirsty for experience of all kinds. Their curiosity is not limited to the pretty or the mundane.
“Men and women are born with a desire to push beyond the limits – to … ‘explore where no man has ever gone before’ – a bastard version of the introduction [to Star Trek], I believe. Men and women are born with a sense of drama, a need of excitement. Life itself is excitement. The quietest mood rides the thrust of spectacular molecular activity.
“You forget many of your quite natural inclinations, feelings, and inner fantasies as you mature into adults, because they do not fit into the picture of the kind of people, or experience, or species you have been taught to believe you are. As a result, many of the events of your lives that are the natural extensions of those feelings appear alien… against your deepest wishes, or thrust upon you, either by outside agencies or by a mischievous subconscious.
“The thoughts of children give excellent clues as to mankind’s nature, but many adults do not remember any childhood thoughts except those that fit, or seem to fit, in with their beliefs about childhood.
“Children play at getting killed. They try to imagine what death is like. They imagine what it would be like to fall from a wall like Humpty-Dumpty, or to break their necks. They imagine tragic roles with as much creative abandon as they imagine roles of which adults might approve. They are often quite aware of ‘willing’ themselves sick to get out of difficult situations – and of willing themselves well again (with humor).
“They quickly learn to forget their parts in such episodes, so that later, when as adults they find themselves ill they not only forget that they caused the illness to begin with, but unfortunately they forget how to will themselves well again.
“As I said, there are all ranges of suffering, and I am beginning this discussion, which I will continue now and then in between regular book dictation, in a very general manner. In times past in particular, though the custom is not dead, men purged themselves, wore ashes and beat themselves with chains, or went hungry or otherwise deprived themselves. They suffered, in other words, for religion’s sake. It was not just that they believed suffering was good for the soul – a statement which can or cannot be true, incidentally, and I will go into that later – but they understood something else: The body will only take so much suffering when it releases consciousness. So they hoped to achieve religious ecstasy.
“Religious ecstasy does not need physical suffering as a stimulus, and such a means in the overall will work against religious understanding. Those episodes, however, represent one of the ways in which man can actively seek suffering as a means to another end, and it is beside the point to say that such activity is not natural, since it exists within nature’s framework.
“Discipline is a form of applied suffering, as discipline is usually used. People are not taught to understand the great dimensions of their own capacity for experience. It is natural for a child to be curious about suffering, to want to know what it is, to see it – and by doing so he (or she) learns to avoid the suffering he does not want, to help others avoid suffering that they do not want, and to understand, more importantly, the gradations of emotion and sensation that are his heritage. [As an adult] he will not inflict pain upon others if he understands this, for he will allow himself to feel the validity of his own emotions.
“If you deny yourself the direct experience of your own emotions, but muffle them, say, through too-strict discipline, then you can hurt others much more easily, for you project your deadened emotional state upon them – as in the Nazi war camps [men] followed orders, torturing other people – and you do that first of all by deadening your own sensitivity to pain, and by repressing your emotions.
“Man’s vulnerability to pain helps him sympathize with others, and therefore helps him to more actively alleviate whatever unnecessary causes of pain exist in society.
“… Each person’s experience of a painful nature is also registered on the part of what we will call the world’s mind. Each say, failure, or disappointment, or unresolved problem that results in suffering, becomes a part of the world’s experience: This way or that way does not work, or this way or that way has been tried, with poor results. So in that way even weaknesses or failures of suffering are resolved, or rather redeemed as adjustments are made in the light of those data.
“In that regard, each person lives his or her life privately, and yet for all of humanity. Each person tries out new challenges, new circumstances, new achievements from a unique viewpoint, for himself or herself, and for the entire mass of humanity as well.” ~ Dreams, “Evolution,” and Value Fulfillment, Vol. 1, session 896.
December 15, 2008
Well, I’m feeling rather aggressive this morning. Woke up this morning feeling that there’s really no reason for ‘me’ being here. What I mean by that is that from my perspective my conscious mind/ ego is responsible for providing information to my inner self on the conditions of my reality and to provide instruction to my self as to what experiences to create in my life. Well, I’ve been doing that for more than a decade. I’ve been VERY clear in terms of what I expect to see, what my dreams and desires are, and how I want my life to unfold, but none of that has happened. I’m living in a world I don’t want to be, existing in a way I don’t want to live, with a body that’s not as healthy as it could be. In short, my life is not that of a creator. Now I’ve invested a lot of time over the years learning how to create my life, coming to understand who and what I am, and learning to be a conscious co-creator, but it’s all come to naught. I’m in physical reality, so I’m told, to experience from a physical reality perspective. Fine. I accept that. But since I know that I’m responsible for creating my reality, and since I know that I AM Source energy and I have the power to mould my life into what I want it to be – in fact that’s my purpose – then continuing to live as I am is a waste of my time. If the rest of my Self isn’t going to listen to me, if my ideas and dreams and desires fall on hard ground, if my life is going to be what it is despite my intentions and desires, then I’m wasting my time here. Now I’m not anxious to end this life, but as it is my life requires no conscious input. My mind doesn’t need to be here.
I’m tired of feeling that I am less than the rest of my Self. I’m tired of feeling that the only way I can experience my life is to force it into being. I’m tired of feeling separated from the rest of my Self. I’m tired of feeling that what ‘I’ want doesn’t count. I’m tired of feeling that I’m not worth listening to or providing for. I’m tired of having a body that has access to infinite amounts of energy and yet persists in having bad eyes and bad teeth. I’m tired of being ineffectual in my own life. I feel like I want to explode. There’s so much anger and so much resentment and so much energy built up inside me that I’m ready to let it lash out and I don’t care what the consequences will be – like an earthquake or a forest fire. I’m ready to rip my life to shreds, and more’s the pity for any part of my Self that gets in my way. That’s what I’m feeling right now.
Am I allowing? Yes. Am I open? Yes. Have I sent off rockets of desire? Yes. Have I made it absolutely perfectly clear what I want to experience in my life? Yes. Have I received ANY SLIGHT INDICATION THAT THIS IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN? No. And so what’s the point in continuing? What’s the point in keeping on, keeping going? What’s the point in asking for things that aren’t provided? What’s the point in being infinite if I can’t express my infinity? What’s the point in being AWAKE and AWARE while being confined into a ‘body’ that can’t move? I’m right pissed off right now, and I’m not feeling like my consciousness is to blame here. I’m past that. I’m past feeling like I deserve this, or that this is all I can expect. I’m worth more than this, and the rest of my Self had bloody well listen up. So that’s my demand to All That I Am. Either listen to me, either change my life and give me what I’ve been asking for, or end this life. I’m not going to end my life because I feel it can be more than it is. I know it can be. But there’s no point continuing with my life as it is, when it can be lived without my input. That’s it. Either listen to me, provide what I tell myself I want to experience, or get me out of it. I have had more than enough.
Well, that was this morning, and I’m not going to apologize, even to myself for writing it, because that’s what I felt at the time. Been working with this question all day long, and looking for answers. Well, tonight I followed an impulse to go to my Mnotes 4 file, and did my usual search for the right spot. I came out at an interesting place, between a Seth quote and a CC quote, but both of them are relevant.
Here they are:
“Good evening. Now: I have spoken about counterparts in Ruburt’s class. Many of the students became deadly serious as they tried to understand the concept.
Some wanted me to identify their counterparts for them. One student (Fred) a contractor, said little. Instead, during the last week he let his own creative imagination go wherever it might while he held the general idea in his mind. He played with the concept, then. In a way his experiences were like those of a child – open, curious, filled with enthusiasm. As a result he himself discovered a few of his counterparts.
Most people, however, are so utterly serious that they suspect their own creativity. They expect that its products will be unreal or not valid in the physical world. Yet there is a great correlation between what you think of as creativity, altered states of consciousness, play, and “spiritual” development.
When you create a poem or a song or a painting you are in a state of play, of enjoyment, of freedom. You intend to make something different, to produce a new version of reality. You create out of love, for the sake of the experience. At one time or another almost everyone has that kind of experience, but children have it often. They compose songs and music and paintings in their heads. They alter the focus of their consciousnesses frequently. They do not stop to ask whether or not the play is real or pertinent. Physically, play develops their body mechanisms. It also flexes the great capabilities of their minds.
When you think: “Life is earnest,” and decide to put away childish things, then often you lose sight of your own creativity and become so deadly serious that you cannot play, even mentally. Spiritual development becomes a goal that must be attained. The goal is to be achieved through hard work, and as long as you believe this you do not understand what the spirit is.
I keep returning to natural analogies – but plants do not work at developing their potential. They are not beautiful because they believe it is their responsibility to please your eye. They are beautiful because they love themselves and beauty. When you are so serious, you almost always distort the nature of your own spirit as far as your own understanding of it is concerned. You cannot let your guard down long enough to discover what it is. You keep looking for new rules or regulations, or methods of discipline.
Give us a moment . . . You keep searching for a new “ascended master”, or guru, to keep you in line and point out THE WAY – in capitals.
In their own ways children are quite aware of their counterparts and of other portions of their individual realities. They relate to their counterparts in dreams. They sometimes see them as “invisible” companions. You dream of your own counterparts frequently, but you are so afraid of maintaining what you think of as the rational adult self that you ignore such communications.
People have written here asking about soul mates. In certain circles this is the latest vogue. The idea is an old one: it is based upon the reality of counterparts, and presents another version of the theory. But, again, it is treated with an almost pompous seriousness. Many of those who use the term do it to hide rather than release their own joyful abilities. They spend time searching for their soul mates – but the search involves them in a pilgrimage for a kind of impossible communication with another, in which all division is lost with the two of them trying to join in a cementing oneness, suffocating all sense of play or creativity. You are not one part, or one half, of another soul, searching through the annals of time for your partner, undone until you are completed by your soul mate.
When you become too intent to maintain your reality you lose it, for you deny the creativity upon which it rests.
Many of you have daydreams in which you actually see yourselves as your counterparts, and portions of their lives sometimes come through to you as you go about your chores.
You pay little heed, however. You think this is just your “imagination.” The unknown reality is alive in your own psyche. There are hints of it in all of your experience. You would not be alive, in your terms, if first you did not imagine yourself as you are. Play is, in fact, one of the most practical methods of survival, both individually and for the species. Within its framework lie the secrets of creativity, and within the secrets of creativity lie the secrets of being”. – The “Unknown” Reality, Vol. II, Session 732.
“Every restriction you feel and experience in the physical is a restriction you have placed psychologically upon the self. We do not think it can be more clearly stated than this. And each person chooses the vehicles, the methods, the ways in which they will interact with the world. That is, how they will achieve the results they are seeking. What forms are acceptable or not acceptable. The mechanics of how their own personal reality functions.”
“Becoming conscious simply means becoming aware of your thoughts and choosing the thoughts you will entertain. Another way to look at this is the same way you look at drawing a picture. You choose the materials you will use, the colors, different materials, the markers, pencils etc. Sometimes the drawing appears. You draw the lines and wait to see what you get. Making choices as you go. Sometimes you choose a subject first and attempt a rendering of that subject. Either way you are drawing. One is more full of surprises than the other. One is more predictable. The predictable work may seem to be more difficult to accomplish, precisely because you have preconceived ideas about the nature of its being. Ideally, you can choose the subject intuitively and then allow the drawing to emerge by following impulses that flow naturally one to the other. In this way you remove the rational mind from the process as director. It becomes the observer. It’s quite an easeful and simple process, and yet achieving it can sometimes seem difficult. It’s not the individual lines that make up the picture but the over all effect of all the lines.”
And in these I’ve found my answer. It’s simple, really, but complex at the same time. The answer is joy. Every moment I invest in joy, I am open and allowing. And every moment I’m not in joy, I’m closed off. My answer to providing what I desire is not in serious study. It’s not in learning about the intricacies of the universe. It’s not in applying myself judiciously to my task. It’s about living in joy. By living in joy I bring to myself more things that are joyful. By being serious, I bring a life of seriousness. The rest is details. In Shore Slocum’s interview he asked, “What do you love so much you’d do it for free?” And the answer for me is that the things I love so much I’d do for free, I couldn’t see a way of making money from. I love living at my dream home. I love to make photographs, just as my way of connecting with the earth. I love cycling, and walking in the woods. I love to read. I love to cook. I love to be around Marcia. I love to shop for things I want. I love to buy things. I love to travel. I love fast cars and fancy hotels. I love good food. I love sunrises and sunsets and children’s laughter. I love to play. There are a whole lot of things I love, but none of them fit the mould of life in this society, where one has to work to make money to pay bills… And so in doing the things I love I’ve also felt guilty because it meant someone else was providing for me – someone else was doing things she didn’t want to do to make money so that I could do what I wanted to do. And so I’ve felt like I shouldn’t be doing the things I want to do, that I should be buckling down and looking for work instead. And I’ve parceled out my happiness a little bit at a time, and created excuses on why I couldn’t find work, and really what I’ve wanted is the money to be able to live in this society without working, so that both Marcia and I can do the things we love. That’s joy to me. That’s perfection as I see it. And imagining those things brings me joy, but I’ve lost the sense of joy when it comes to translating those imagined ideas into physical reality. I love the idea of being wealthy in this reality. I love the idea of giving money to others, of creating a business where others are valued and happy, of working with the latest green building techniques. I love the idea of taking photography courses, and working with my new cameras. This brings me great joy! I love spending long, lazy mornings in bed with Marcia. I love having a house to work on – not too much, just little things here and there. I love teaching other people what I’ve learned, and learning from them. But what I need to surrender here is the idea that I can’t live the life I want to live in this reality because it doesn’t fit with what everyone else is doing. Find joy in every moment. That’s my instruction to myself. I like it! Find joy in doing what I’m doing, and stop worrying about how it’s going to happen and when the money is going to show up. This connects to what I was reading yesterday in the CC writings. Hang on a second…
“Recognizing What Is Yours, Integrity and Compromise, Necessity of Experiential Understanding
What you are seeing now is the clarity of your understanding of the situation of what it is to be in physical expression. Moving past the self-imposed dramas of acting in any way against what is yours or against what is you brings this clarity into focus. So that what is yours feels joyous and harmonious and that which is not feels more or less like death. Choices have become very clear and simple.
You should understand at this time that any doubt or sense of confusion within the self is only an illusion you have created on top of a truth that is plainly visible to you. That is to say, should you find yourselves questioning yourselves you are simply toying with yourselves. We do not recommend this. So stop toying. For truly you have had enough of toying. Honestly and truly. Your deep sense at this time of what is possible and your clear understanding of your power and position in this regard is your greatest strength. Do not capitulate this strength to any outside force, belief, idea, or persons. Recognize that your opportunities to express these ideas to others can be used as a tool to clarify and strengthen your position, and use it this way. For now you truly are in a place where you CAN use all experience, thought, and evidence to your advantage. You CAN believe, you can KNOW that all is working together for your good. To the extent that you acknowledge this – walk within this experience and know this truth in your being. It will, out of necessity, be experienced.”
There’s more, but that one sentence – ‘…what is yours feels joyous and harmonious and that which is not feels more or less like death.’ That’s what I’m talking about.
Live in joy, and never, ever let anyone tell me otherwise.
Lesson for the day.
“You must understand that your present is the point at which flesh and matter meet with the spirit. Therefore the present is your point of power in your current lifetime, as you think of it. If you assign greater force to the past, then you will feel ineffective and deny yourself your own energy.” ~ The Nature of Personal Reality, session 656.
December 18, 2008
Well, today is our 169th Monthaversary of being a couple. Happy Layers Day!! Truly an event worth celebrating. It’s also Thursday, which means I’m downtown for the seminar at the Bohemian once again. Today’s talk should be a good one, with readings by people of different faiths. Unfortunately, the Café Coffee is closed until January 5th for renovations, so no Nonni’s Biscotti today! Bummer… So I’m at Blenz instead because they have comfy chairs here. The removed the comfy chairs from the Starbucks across from Mosaic Books so I’m boycotting them! Okay, no, not really, but I do like having a comfy chair to sit in when I write.
So, as per my latest writings, for the past few days I’ve been focusing more on joy as my purpose for being, and it’s brought some good results. I’m still in here, but I’ve had some wonderful, expected and unexpected things happen. We received a cheque from Terasen for $193.57, for example, and our Star Choice bill has been paid. I feel better overall, lighter would be a good word to use. Came across a pair of wonderful YouTube videos through Emmy on NWV called, ‘The Beckoning of Lovely’ and sent them out to friends and family.
And it’s winter here! Got up to –10°C today, although it’s been down to –23°C within the past couple of days. We’ve gotten about 15-20 cm of snow, too. Needless to say, most Kelowna people aren’t happy with this, but the extra moisture in the ground will be appreciated next year and so far I haven’t heard of any major accidents in town. People are driving more carefully. Arthur from the strata mentioned that Kelowna got down to –35°C once, years ago as I understand. Even Victoria is getting snow! Not much, but a lot for Victoria.
Something that came to me today when I was in the shower was about choice, and while I’ve given thought before to living based on my choices, what came to me today was to consider a world where everyone is living based on their choices. Of course that happens anyway, but it was interesting to think of a world where choices determine what people do, how they feel, how they act, etc. and everyone is aware of it. It’s the opposite of Shore’s ‘To Me’ stance, where people live their lives as though everything was a consequence of forces beyond their control. Imagine a world where everyone in my life is aware of the choices they’re making and accepts the results of those choices. No resistance, no fighting back at the system or society, none of that. And living with one’s choices also means accepting the choices of others whether or not one agrees with them. There is no judgement in this world. Thinking back over my own life, I can see clearly how my actions and the circumstances of my life were defined by my choices of who I thought I had to be, how the world had to work, what others expected of me (or rather what I chose to believe people expected of me), etc. Amazing stuff. The CC writings talk about choices a lot, and it makes sense to me. And even now, I’m defining myself by what I believe is possible and the choices I make. Interesting that as I wrote that I almost wrote, “the choices I believe are possible to make.” And that got me thinking about potential. See, I’ve always thought of myself as being ‘here’ in comparison to who I used to be, and since I’ve been on a journey to expand my sense of ‘self’, I’ve seen my potential as some future possibility, some greatly expanded self that is more open, more awake and aware than I am now. This potential self is someone I aspire to be. But – and there had to be a ‘but’ there – that potential self is me. I’ve seen that potential self as someone, somewhere in the future, but why not be that person now? Why not simply claim that knowledge, know I have it, and accept that? It shifts my view from acquiring knowledge by learning it and then absorbing it over time to simply having it and acknowledging that I do. Again, it comes down to choices. What is my interest? Is my interest in learning new ways of being, or is my interest in having that knowledge so I can apply it in my life? Hmmm… I’ve always been interested in learning because I thought it was the only way for me to acquire the knowledge I need to go forth. But if it’s just ‘there’, then I have it, a la Matrix. Is that too easy? Would that be a problem if it were? Who said life has to be hard, anyway?
Reminds me of this Abraham quote I came across:
“You have to find a way to be all right with thriving because you are always going to want to thrive… The economy is moving forward in response to the desires of people. And depriving yourself of something does not make more money for someone else to spend… If there were not people who were purchasing things, then all of the people who are working at manufacturing and marketing them would have to find some other ways of making their living… There are so many people who innately want to thrive, who as soon as they begin thriving a little, begin imposing all of these exterior judgements about how much thriving is appropriate, “It’s appropriate to thrive that much, but not that much.” And you have to ask yourself, “At what point do I lose the balance of thriving?” ~ Abraham-Hicks
December 19, 2008
Today is our 190th Monthaversary of the day we met, on a hillside in Peterborough!!
Well, before I get started, or maybe as a way of getting started, I wanted to add in a note here. After talking with Marcia this evening, we agreed on the distribution of various funds – to bills, to her account/ my account, etc. So, I went to the bank online, but Sxipper wasn’t entering the form information properly so I signed in manually. Paid the bills, transferred funds to my borrowing account, etc. then picked up the phone and called Marcia’s bank and transferred money to her account and to her borrowing account. All done and confirmed.
About 45 minutes later I thought that the Sxipper entry form needed to be retrained, so I did that and signed back in to the bank. NONE of the transactions had taken place. Closed out, called Marcia’s bank – ditto. Neither of the transfers had been made, and neither of them showed up in the transaction logs! Definitely a twilight zone moment!! Funny, when I first turned on the computer I came across this message from Jane Roberts:
“Options and alternate models for selfhood and civilizations exist in a psychic pattern of probabilities from which we can choose to actualize an entirely new life system.” ~ Psychic Politics, The Codicils.
Okay, a couple of things quickly before I sign off and go to bed because it’s already 12:44 and that’s not p.m. The first is that I was thinking about being in our dream home and cooking in the kitchen, but I was thinking about it from the perspective of being sometime in the future. I received this one word question: “Why?” Stopped me cold. Why indeed?!? I live there now.
And that brings me to the second item up for bid today, which actually has a few parts to it, but boils down to one thing. I was reading through some old notes and also looking at ‘This Thing Called You’ today, and a couple of things jumped out. First, from Ernest Holmes, was a thought I’d recorded before. And that is that God has no problems, only solutions. And that means I have no problems, only questions that already have answers. And so when I ask myself about receiving something, I don’t need to see it as a problem because it isn’t. It’s just a question and the answer is already known. And the answer is formatted in a way that is pleasing to me because that’s important. It brings me back to joy, to seeking joy and to being a creator. I am an infinite being. And that brings me to the second item, which was predicated by an article written by Kristen Fox called ‘The Truth About Love’. I’ve read that article before, but I read it again today and especially the part where she realized she had felt a huge surge of love and was afraid of it. And she realized she was afraid of it because of a belief that said that if she gave in to it, ‘she’ would cease to exist. And that got me thinking about my own thoughts on that, going back to my connections to my inner self and all of the twists and turns that has led me through. Basically my belief has been that if I truly let down my guard, relax, open and let Spirit carry me, then doing so will remove me from the driver’s seat so to speak, my inner self will take over my life and I’ll be left as a passenger with no say in the matter. And so to prevent that happening I’ve built a wall that only allows so much through, and then, to really complicate things, gone off on a search to find out how to achieve this same result from an outer physical perspective using only the tools at my disposal. Now there are so many things wrong with this idea I don’t even know where to begin, but that’s it in a nutshell.
And so I’ve decided to block out my inner self on the grounds that part of my self would want to take over, and then gone on to tell myself that having done so also closes me off to the vast resources of All That Is, leaving me with only the resources of my ego/ conscious mind. And to really muss things up I’ve decided that my ego/conscious mind only have access to certain layers or levels of knowledge and ability? Yeah, something like that.
Okay, so what needs to change, besides everything? First of all, I need to accept that my ego/ conscious mind is more and is capable of more than I’ve so far been willing to believe. That alone breaks down a number of walls. As came to me recently, ‘I’ am Source energy. Every thought, idea, every understanding, every component of my consciousness is Source. And so from a conscious mind perspective, I’m not the limited being I’ve believed myself to be. In fact I’ve proven that to myself over and over again. So that’s one restriction gone. I am creating my life, and not just living in this world. Then we come to the concern about really opening up and allowing my own energies to shine. For this I have to go back to a time when I saw my inner self, my whole self and my physically-focused self as being three connected but distinct entities, and there was a built-in hierarchical structure to this as well. I believed it so strongly I made it true for myself, but is it intrinsically true, or is there even such a thing as intrinsically true? If everything I believe to be true is true, for me, then there is no baseline. There is no absolute truth or falseness, no right or wrong. There are only choices, as I’ve written recently. And furthermore, because choice exists there are no permanent decisions. There is only choice, in every moment. And in every moment I can either maintain my choices or change them. So, I’m back to where I’ve been before, but also not at the same time. I’ve never been ‘here’ before, although I’ve been in similar places. And my choice now is to decide to truly live, to truly accept my own power, to fully accept that my inner self/ whole self/ All That Is have no designs on running my life, because if those aspects of my self were responsible for creating this reality, I wouldn’t have to be here, and I am. In fact, those aspects of my self are reliant on me for connection to this reality, to this facet of my existence. In short, ‘I’ am needed, and wanted. Is that true? It is, for me, for as long as I choose it to be true. And I’ve seen the results of what happens when I close off to Source. It’s like refusing to breathe. And that’s not a good feeling. Perhaps better for a time to see my inner self as an equal partner in this adventure. Neither leading nor following, but coming along with me and the combined efforts of All That I Am leading to the best possible outcome. I know that I have to do this and right now I’m willing to give into it, fully and completely. I trust myself completely. Therefore I release all pre-conceptions and judgements of this situation, acknowledge that I too have a voice and it’s worth expressing my opinions.
Okay, it’s 1:20 and I’m really tired, so I’m going to pack it in for now.