Marcia’s Meanderings – Kicking & Screaming

Hello Dear Ones!

Mike and I just celebrated our 93rd Monthaversary (we were married in October of 2002) and we treated ourselves to a nice dinner out. Over the meal we found ourselves reliving the amazement of our wedding and honeymoon (a collection of stories in and of themselves!) and laughed about the challenges that had befallen us over this same period of time.

As events of our lives arose, and with each new adventure, we couldn’t imagine how we were going to get through this situation or that challenge, this drama or that letting go of something deemed essential in the moment. In other words, there were many times when we moved from one home or city to another with at least one of us kicking and screaming and being dragged by the hair from point A to point B.

We can laugh about it now! And we did exactly that tonight. We are both so grateful that our sense of humour stayed heartily intact over the years! We have grown spiritually as well – both individually and as a couple. As a result, this latest crisis of spirit that I have recently undergone, though devastating on its own, has been less traumatic than it might have been years back. What I can say is that rather than kicking and screaming like a toddler taking a temper tantrum the way I might have, I found myself going into a place of relative quiet. There was a sense of angst without the demonstrative component to accompany it. It was a peaceful crumbling into self – rather scary, actually.

Yet the calm of my response allowed me to be more open to answers. I spoke yesterday in our He Says/She Says – Resistance: Grace under Fire post about the 7-steps to moving through a major spiritual crisis. Forgiving oneself (for me) is the toughest of them all. Each day since this major belief was uncovered, there have been moments when I still need to forgive myself for having failed myself and my Self … after all I did what I thought was best in each moment. It would be so easy to bring up issues of the past and then kick and scream about the outcome, about what I did or did not do, about my inability to allow into my life the very best that the Divine had in mind for me, and that I was unwilling or unable to accept. Forgiving myself for being so short-sighted is easier to do from a stance of acceptance rather than one of defiance and toddler-like behaviour.

As I mentioned in that same post yesterday, I am now gaininga hopeful clarity with each new day – slowly, a breath at a time. I am making progress. The fire of resistance is gradually burning down. Like the phoenix, my potential shall rise from the ashes. There is the spark of hopeful clarity radiating out from my soul …

No kicking, screaming or other childlike behaviour from this woman – not this time. My response feels mature, wise and guided. I like the contrast. I think I may have grown up this time around …

In Light and Laughter,

Marcia

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