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As it happens, my writings for the past couple of months have been rather disjointed, and until I have time to rope them into line I’m not going to share them with anybody. However, in one of my first blog posts I mentioned a site called ‘Future Me‘, that I appreciate greatly and use quite regularly. I’ve recently received some ‘Future Me’ posts from last year, so I thought maybe I’d start with those. Sometimes I look back on what I wrote a year ago and realize how far I’ve come on certain topics, and other times I find I’m still looking at the same things, albeit perhaps from a different perspective.
Without further ado, here are some of my writings from last year…
November 12, 2008
I did some writing this morning, so let me go and find my notebook, and I’ll be back!
Actually I have a few notes from the other day too, so I’ll start with those:
The first is a memory from back when Marcia and I were living in Hillsburgh. I didn’t have a car because Marcia was working in Guelph, but we needed sunflower seeds. It was wintertime so I bundled up, grabbed the toboggan and headed off to the feed store. Should have waxed it first, because carrying 50 lb. of seeds on it going back proved to be a bit of a challenge, especially the uphill parts. At one point though, I remember that it felt like these little chickadees had landed on my arms and were flapping their little wings so hard, helping me pull that bag of seeds up the hill. It reminded me of what I wrote – I am awake and alive in a world of divine intelligence. I live in a world where every cell in my body, every CU around me is designed to achieve its own value fulfillment, and mine (and everything else’s) in the process. When I allow myself to really think about that, it’s quite amazing!
The second note is that on November 9 I woke up with the name ‘Ethalolien’ on my mind. It’s not the first time I’ve heard that name – I’ve written about it before, but nobody I know has ever heard of it. It seems to me to be my essence name, so I’ll go with that for now.
Another thought from the 9th was that as I read back through my notes I can see that there are some subjects I’ve written about several times. And the thought came to me that I keep asking the same questions until I am able to change the answers.
On November 10 I had a thought come to me that said that I’ve been going around and around, back and forth between the non-physical and the physical experiences of mine and thinking that in this world there is no rational way for me to create my world as I desire it. The answer, though, is now obvious. Change the world. Or at least change what I believe is possible in my world. So simple!!
Also a thought that the things I desire are not what my life is about. They’re the background upon which my life is built. Exciting stuff!
And finally, a thought that sleep is important to me, not only because my body needs rest (although that’s important enough in itself), but that sleep is important to me because of what I do in the dreamtime. Hmmm…
Okay, on to today’s writings.
The morst interesting thing from this morning is that I awoke with snatches of the ‘Wilson Phillips’ song “Hold On for One More Day” running through my mind. I’ve looked up the lyrics and what I had wasn’t actually in the order of the song, but lines from it. They were:
“I know there is pain but
Hold on for one more day
And break free from the chains
Things are going to change
Hold on for one more day.”
An interesting message from myself! It will be interesting to see what tomorrow brings, too!
I’m still wrapping my head around the new understandings that keep coming to me. Last night’s writings, based on Elias’ wisdom, just poured out of me. I really offered myself a new level of acceptance… and I like it!
I’m moving more and more into seeing myself in a place of power, even seeing my negative beliefs and limitations as choices that I’ve made. They may be bad choices in some cases, but by accepting that I made them and going forward from there I open more into my own power because it means I have the power to make new and better choices. Does that make the others ‘old and deficient’ as per Andy Rooney? I don’t think so; they were the best I could do at the time.
In the last couple of days I’ve been feeling a very strong connection to myself as I was in Peterborough – as if I am the ‘future self’ I connected to back then. One of the futures, anyway. I also feel as if I’m guiding some version of my ‘then’ self to allow different choices that are rippling back through time and changing my Now. I’ve ‘imagined’ this sort of activity before, but now I’m feeling it more.
Something else I’m opening up to more is that to a large extent I’m living the life of my dreams now. I don’t have all of the things I desire, so at first blush that seems like a wholly inaccurate statement but the ‘feel’ of my life now is largely the way I want it to be. I have a great degree of freedom to do pretty much as I please with my days. I’m writing, learning, dreaming, and expanding my sense of self… I’m being provided for, fed, housed, etc. Someone else is taking care of it for me. From that perspective my life is in many ways the way I want it, but because I’ve felt that there are expectations of me I can’t fulfill, I haven’t allowed myself to appreciate it. I’ve been feeling that if I allowed myself to relax and enjoy it then I would be resented for it because I’ve felt that others have been helping me out of a sense of obligation. And here again I see how clearly my beliefs have been expressed in my reality. The reason I’ve wanted to create the money for myself has been to remove that sense of obligation that I’ve believed others must be feeling. I’m still learning to accept gifts. Thinking of Elias’ description of ‘intermediate intention’ and creating subjectively also ties in with this with regard to having money because I’ve also seen that I wasn’t willing to allow that I could be given money with no strings attached. I would be okay for me to have it as long as I was putting the money as long as I put it toward some useful purpose, but not just to have or to hoard. Of course those beliefs also generated counter-beliefs which pushed against the idea of doing volunteer work, etc. out of a sense of obligation. By bringing all of these beliefs and ideas and judgements back directly to myself, combined with where I am within myself now means that I can address these things without heaping guilt on myself. Such a change from who I used to be. So I can create money, just to have it, to play with or to use as I decide in the moment, and the biggest lesson in all of this is to loosen and release my judgement of myself and unite my self under a joyful banner of self-acceptance. I can hear Thomas’ voice as I write this… “Forget the hose, release the bounds around yourself.”
The more I am willing to love myself fully and completely, the easier it becomes and the more avenues for love I discover. It’s like transforming a thread or a strand into a braided rope. Funny, as I was writing that sentence above I thought about my second desire as per the Tut quotes – to live my life fully and completely. Seems that to live my life fully and completely I begin or continue with loving myself fully and completely.
My love to me!
“Your eyes and your eyelashes, being individual, express the individuality of All-That-Is. No snowflakes are alike. No person is alike. Through the manifestation of individuality does All-That-Is express its being. To be yourself you are, in your terms, what God is. And in your way, you become a conscious creator. You are co-creators whether you know it or not. You are creators whether you know it or not. You are created and you create whether you know it or not. You can learn to be conscious co-creators. You form your reality. You can do this consciously. Even when you choose to think in terms of a nebulous, beneficial, divine oneness in which you hope to hide your being, and lose it.” ~ Seth, ESP Class, January 22, 1974.
November 13, 2008
Let’s see what I can find to start this with:
“There is nothing that you’re wanting to know that you do not have the capacity to understand fully. And there is nothing that you’re wanting to know that the Universe does not already know that you want to know, and has already begun the process of answering. And so, go forth in excited anticipation that the new ideas will continue to bubble forth, and that the Universal Forces will continue to come forth in loving, benevolent, eternal answering to that which you are about. There is great love here for you. We are complete.” ~ Abraham-Hicks
Well, it’s Thursday and I’m at the downtown library. Not exactly sure what to write about, but our ex-landlordis on my mind today because we have yet to receive our damage deposit cheque. That got me thinking about choices, contingencies, what-ifs and subjective vs. objective creation and how it all ties together. As I learn more about the power of choice and living with choices, taking responsibility for everything in my life, it’s a very different way of being from whom I used to be. One thing that came to me today is that the objects in my life are merely representations of my beliefs. In and of themselves they’re benign, a mirror showing me what I’ve been thinking about. Taking that as true then I seriously need to realign my thinking! Take ou landlord for example. I’ve been working on the basis that he isn’t going to pay us the money he owes us without demanding it. By thinking that way I create the results of that in my life, experience those results, and then use that experience as a basis for my actions. That’s definitely not what I want, though. What I want is to be able to simply imagine things I do want and have them pop up in my experience so that I get to live those things. I do imagine them but for some reason I continue to manifest other things instead. Fear? Doubt? Habit? Belief? All of the above? Perhaps, so how do I change it? I keep prodding myself in that direction. At the same time I keep bringing up (for release – remember that!) old beliefs. Today I remembered the expression from “Lightningbolt” that said that anything we have can be taken from us, but not our sense of self. That can be true, but it requires living in a world where it’s possible for others to take things from me, and I can just as easily not live in that world. Accent the positive. I keep working toward that, but it still seems to take effort to do it, at least sometimes.
The easiest thing in the world for me to do is to imagine, and the best life for me, as I see it right now, is to simply imagine what I want and have it happen. My old response would be that I’ve been doing that and it hasn’t been working, but as I write that I recognize that very statement as a way of restricting myself, and I’m not willing to do that.
So… I love me. All of me loves all of me. No divisions. I accept myself, all of my best parts and all of my lumpy bits and everything in between. I recognize my own infinity. I also recognize that my conscious mind/ ego are focused primarily on my external reality, BUT I’m willing to consider that this reality can be quite different than it appears to be now. I also acknowledge that changing my world so completely scares me, more than a little.
In Elias’ discussion on intermediate intentions he mentioned that while we talk of being different, we seek sameness. I can see that within myself to a degree, and it’s not a weakness. It’s just part of who I am. I recognize that sometimes I occupy myself with tasks and activities that are not to my liking because I feel that these things are what I feel I’m supposed to do or need to do rather than what I want to do. At the same time, these activities are ‘supposed to’ because the things I want to do don’t seem to be available to me yet. Much of my life right now is existing temporarily while looking for a way to break through. Still, I haven’t for a second lost sight of my dreams, and every chance I get I move toward those dreams. At this time there doesn’t seem to be a lot of action I can take, but that’s okay.
Just had two thoughts come to me. The second was that what I’m feeling – this feeling of being restless or uncomfortable is because I’m stretching myself out beyond what I once thought possible. I’m feeling anxious, but underneath the surface of that feeling there’s a deep current of love and trust within myself. I don’t have to tap into it or connect to it, just acknowledge it.
The other thought is that money is a symbol for emotion. Money can be anger or hatred or power – so called ‘blood money’. Receiving money in that way doesn’t appeal to me because those emotions don’t appeal to me. I’d rather do without it. But money can be happiness, joy, excitement, and love too. These are emotions I can accept. Am I afraid of being too happy? That’s a good question. What can happen? Can someone take away my happiness? No, not unless I choose to give it up.
A belief popped up that I can have moments of joy, happiness, love, but they’re only islands in a sea of the mundane… that’s not true, though. Choices form my life. I can have wealth or not, be free or not, be happy or not, love or not… these are all choices. So to the belief that people will want to take my happiness away, drag me down, or bring me their problems to solve. Choices. All choices.
I am powerful whether or not I choose to express it or not. I am love whether I choose to feel it or not. Those are my choices.
Well, it’s 6:40 p.m. and I just missed the 6:35 bus so I’m at Starbucks having coffee. I brought R.’s book back to him and he loaned me one called ‘The War of Art’, presumably to separate it from ‘The Art of War’. This book deals primarily with creativity and resistance and things like that. Should tie in with some of the stuff I’ve been writing about.
I’ve been giving some thought to what I wrote earlier about stretching, and it occurred to me that I’ve been telling myself that these ideas and concepts and Ways of Being don’t fit with the world I’ve told myself I live in. And the answer to that is… EXACTLY! Now, which one am I willing to surrender?
It reminds me of when D. told me, “So, I’ve got a boyfriend.” And I replied, “Well, I can leave if you want.” “No, I don’t want you to leave…” Except I’m D. here, my old world is the boyfriend, and the new ideas are ‘me’. I don’t want them to leave, and I’m willing to grow into the relationship. I like that thought. I remember before calculators were invented, but I certainly don’t want to give up my computer!
November 14, 2008
I woke up this morning with Bryan Adam’s song, “Coming Home…” running through my head. A part of it, anyway:
I’m coming home,
Oh I’m coming home.
I’m coming home,
Yeah I’m coming home.
Only seems like yesterday,
You and I were sayin’ goodbye,
Now I’m just a few miles away
Gonna see you tonight.
I like it!
Also, I watched a part of a video suggested by Lynne McTaggart, and in there he mentioned the movie ‘Swingtime’ with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers. There’s a song in there that goes, “Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again.” And he said that he realized, “I had this belief: Nothing would ever stop me. I could overcome any obstacle. However, I needed obstacles to prove that nothing would ever stop me. Why did I think that?” Along with that I got thinking about the Mike Holmes show, Holmes on Homes. He does good work fixing up people’s mistakes, but often during the show he says that if it was done right, he wouldn’t have to be there. True enough, but I think it’s come to define him as well. In a way he needs the shoddy workmanship in order to be able to fix it, and so he continues to create it in his life. But it’s not who I need to be. I can choose differently, and that means I can choose to live without any obstacles. I like that.
“True religion is not repressive, as life itself is not. When Christ spoke he did so in the context of his times, using the symbolism and vocabulary that made sense to a particular people in a particular period of history, in your terms.
“He began with their beliefs, and using their references tried to lead them into freer realms of understanding.
“With every translation the Bible has changed its meaning, being interpreted in the language of the times. Christ spoke in terms of good and bad spirits because these represented the people’s beliefs. In their terms he showed them that ‘bad’ spirits could be vanquished; but these were, then, symbols accepted as realities by the people – sometimes for quite ‘normal’ diseases and human conditions.
“The very term, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself’ (Matthew 19:19, Mark 12:31), was an ironic statement, for in that society no man loved his neighbor, but distrusted him heartily. Much of Christ’s humor has been lost, therefore.
“In the Sermon on the Mount, the phrase (to the effect that) ‘…the meek shall inherit the earth’ (Matthew 5:5), has been grossly misinterpreted.
“Christ meant, ‘You form your own reality. Those who think thoughts of peace will find themselves safe from war and dissension. They will be untouched by it. They will escape, and indeed inherit the earth.’
“Thoughts of peace, particularly in the middle of chaos, take great energy. People who can ignore the physical evidence of wars and purposely think thoughts of peace will triumph – but in your terminology the word ‘meek’ has come to mean spineless, inadequate, lacking energy. In Christ’s time, the phrase about the meek inheriting the earth implied the energetic use of affirmation, of love and peace.” ~ Seth, The Nature of Personal Reality, session 674.
November 15, 2008
Well, it’s Saturday afternoon and I’m at Starbucks for a bit before going over to vote in the municipal election. I was at the library for a few hours; read an excellent book called ‘Sit, Ubu, Sit’. At the very beginning of the book he’s sitting with a psychic and the very first thing she tells him is not to feel guilty about having all of the money that he has. Spoke directly to me and brought up some other things as well. Basically, though the book is a love story, and a very good one.
Anyway, I’ve been reading Elias’ descriptions of the different orientations and the other night I recognized something important. Elias has three different orientations and originally I associated myself with intermediate and so was reading more about them. According to Elias those of intermediate orientation are about 15% of the population, with soft being about 35% and common being about 50%. Those aren’t hard values, just approximations. Intermediates make up about 1/6th of the population. Anyway, as I was reading the excerpts from various sections I found myself liking the idea of fitting in, even with a small minority. Makes sense to me that I’d be in the smallest group. However, as I was reading more about intermediates I also noticed aspects that didn’t apply to me. I felt like I was on my own again, and I’d enjoyed being a part of a group. I’ve always eschewed being a group person – even to the point of saying things like, “I’m not like this because I’m an Aries; I’m me.” Maybe I chose to be an Aries because I’m me. Hmmm… Anyway, as I was reading the Elias stuff I felt my tenuous membership to the group slipping away and I felt like I was drifting away on an ice floe again. And the awareness came over me that I was thinking about whom I should be in order to be a member of a group rather than honouring who I am. When I realized this I stopped myself, but I still feel it a little. I’ve invested so many years being myself, being invisible, being ‘Me’, being apart from everyone else, on the edge of the crowd, but I’m not entirely comfortable there anymore. What do you do when your position is across the table from those who are sitting across the table from the crowd? Do you choose another table, or do you get up and leave the room? Maybe you choose a round table and then it doesn’t matter.
Actually, that brought up two thoughts. One is that a lone wolf is often one who leaves the group to form his own pack. The second thought was a memory from my first elder’s conference. At lunchtime I found a big round table by the window that was empty and sat there. Thus ensconced, I invited others to come and join me, and they did. Pretty soon the table was full. The question to keep in mind is whether I’m being different from others or just being me.
As I was walking down 33 from the library I thought, “How would I describe myself?” I used to be a manager, a biologist, a technician, but none of those fit. And the answer that came to me was, “I am a fully aware, strong, powerful, multidimensional spiritual being. And I know it!” I also thought back to when I was working with kids, and I felt that I had to know what they’d been through so I could identify with them. I brought myself down to their level. But mostly I wanted them to know there was a way out of that dark tunnel, that they’d round a corner and feel a breeze or see even a small light. And they did. But I stayed in the tunnel looking for the next one to come along. It’s like volunteering for the Metres for Millions walk, standing in one place and encouraging everyone as they walked by… “Only a little further; you’re almost there.” But it’s time to let someone else do that job and move inside where I can say, “Welcome. You’ve arrived.”
The best way to show others what’s possible for them is to develop what’s possible for myself.
“That inner psychological universe is a psychic gestalt, propelled, formed, sustained or driven by value fulfillment, love and desire, by the loving values that have no limit. The universe does not give up on itself, or on any of its creatures. It is ruled by a different set of principles, a different set of values, and by inner cooperative exuberance.” ~ Dreams, “Evolution”, and Value Fulfillment, Vol. 2, Session 941.
November 16, 2008
Well, the more I think about this the more I like it. I came to me this morning that if I am in fear then I give those around me the opportunity to add their own fears to it, but by setting the tone of knowing that all is well, then I send that out and give others the opportunity to know that all is well also. Rather than seeing my fears reflected in the faces of others, I can be like Jesus on the fishing boat during the storm, calming the waves.
I’m also more open to considering the possibility that no one or maybe a few others have walked this path, but that doesn’t mean I’m alone in this. I am individual, but I am also All That Is. All that I am is Source expressing itself as me.
“You do not need to die to achieve spiritual rebirth. Again, I am looking nowhere in particular. You need not suffer to attain knowledge…. The Crucifixion story represented, in your terms, now, the self-destructive aspect of the species at the time. And it represents the self-destructive elements of the species in this time for those who still accept it.”
“Many religions set up their methods and their dogmas, offering the hope of great knowledge, great understanding, and wisdom. There is only one catch: You have to die first! … Some of the basic tenets of Christianity were very good, but for all of that, you still have the story that when you suffer and die you will go to heaven, gain knowledge and beauty and truth, and escape this ‘vale of tears.’”
Again, with a kind of broad, kindly humor: “Think what might have happened, and think of how your religious books might read, if the myth read differently. Supposing the story read thusly: Christ was not crucified at all. He was not persecuted. He was not chased. He was not scourged, and no one gave him vinegar to drink instead, they handed him purple robes, set him up in state at Rome, called him Christ, the Son of God, but said that the kingdom of God is upon the earth, and salvation is now. What would the priests do? For, indeed, knowledge and joy and salvation would be within your grasp. Many religions believe that you must go through trials or walk through fire first. But Christianity believes that you must die first. Now, in your terms, that is certainly the most severe trial of all. And a poor way to prove faith. For if you believe in life, you prove your faith by living it. You dare love it. You do not need suffering or trials….” ~ Seth in The God of Jane, p. 203-204.
November 18, 2008
A very special day:
Nov 18, 2008
The world’s most famous mouse is celebrating a milestone birthday.Mickey mouse is 80 on Tuesday November 18.The character was created by animator Walt Disney, with Mickey making his debut in 1928 in a film called Steamboat Willie .In the 80 years since then Mickey Mouse has appeared in over 100 short cartoons, often accompanied by his girlfriend Minnie Mouse.
Mickey was born in Walt Disney’s imagination during a train trip from New York to Los Angeles. But he named the mouse Mortimer until his wife suggested Mickey was better.
It’s also our 14th Anniversary of being a couple! 168 months… amazing!!
A very bizarre day. First of all, I received a cheque from our ex landlord yesterday for the damage deposit for our place. Someone addressed the envelope, added a stamp, and then hand-delivered the envelope. I was going to deposit the cheque today but I realized this morning that the cheque hadn’t been signed. I called J. only to discover that she’s in Penticton, so I called her on the cell phone. She wanted me to bring the cheque in to sign, but I explained I was in Rutland. Then she went on about one of the brothers living in Kelowna but that he was in a meeting and could probably call me back before 4:00… About 10 minutes after that, our landlord called. He had to call twice because he’s not very good with directions, but he arrived, signed the cheque, and I shook his hand. That’s finally done.
From there I went over to Orchard Park, and went to Chapters/ Starbucks. I didn’t bring my book to write in, but I did pick up a copy of Timber Home Living (with 2009 calendar insert) and had a coffee and a lemon poppy seed swirl loaf to celebrate my good fortune. First Terasen tells us they owe us money, then M/C and BMO both have more money available than I remember… I feel a Seth quote coming on:
“…you all dwell in the same unlimited dimension. …you simply have not opened your eyes to see it. You think that you are blind and so you do not see. The universe in which I [Seth] dwell is the universe in which all of you dwell. Some of you have better eyesight than others and the vision is not physical. … You have done well with theories; now I tell you to forget them. Forget the self that has the theories … and begin to experience. To do this, follow the directions that I have given, but also get in the habit of looking about you morning, noon and night. …and realizing that there is more within every environment than each small room that you see.
“Realize that there are personalities that you cannot see physically, yet they are there. And look positively for them. Realize that there are voices you cannot hear with your physical ears, and listen for them inwardly.
“… The trick is not to too hard to realize: that the answers are available; that they are there; that you can find them.” ~ The Early Sessions, Book 9, Session 483.
I hung around Chapters for a while, reading the first few chapters of ‘Don’t Hex With Texas’. By that time I figured I’d best get home by bus because I had to make supper. As I was walking by the Bay I saw the buses go by and figured that I’d be taking the 97 because it runs every 15 minutes at that hour and the 10/11 only run every 30 minutes. However, as I was standing there waiting for the 97, an 11 bus pulled up – double decker, with nobody up top! I got the front seat on the right upstairs – my favourite. Since the bus goes around Merrifield to McCurdy I thought maybe I’d ride it around and back south down Rutland, but all of a sudden I got an impulse to ring the bell. The bus stopped at Mugford and Merrifield, and just as I was getting off a kid came flying around the corner to catch the bus. If I hadn’t pressed the bell the bus wouldn’t have stopped there and the kid would have missed his bus. But I did and he didn’t. I also have a recognition that this isn’t something that can be pushed, pulled, or stretched, as there is nothing outside of it. This process, this Way of Being IS All That Is.
Here’s an Abraham quote to go with that Seth one:
“What we feel from most physical beings who are using the word “want” is a yearning, a desire that is currently unfulfilled. When we use the word “want” we mean it as an object of attention to which I want to focus, a desire that I give my undivided, undiluted, not contradicted attention to, so that the Energy that creates worlds can flow through me toward that desire.” ~ Abraham-Hicks
November 20, 2008
Well, it’s Thursday and especially the Thursday where N. is giving his talk at the Bohemian. I read an Abraham quote recently on wanting, and it’s a perspective I really like because they talk about wanting, rather than being a sense of emptiness or unfulfillment, but as a sense of dedicating myself to my desire. By wanting something, I’m opening myself up to it fully, allowing Source to flow through me and literally aligning every molecule, every moment toward fulfillment of that desire. I’ve had several magical events recently and they’ve been nudging me toward greater acceptance of magical moments, and, even further, to allowing and accepting that I can rely on this process. I can depend on the idea that spontaneous actualization of my desires will flow into a pattern that makes every moment magical. Being in the flow means being a part of the stream in every moment. I also have the choice to beach my boat and walk the shore, but the river is always flowing. The river is in me; the river is me.
With all that’s been happening recently I’ve also shifted the intention of my desire, at least slightly. The things I desire are still there, but the basis for my life is love. I love me – all aspects of my Self, even the lumpy bits. It doesn’t mean I’m immune to emotion, even anger, but I can allow myself some negative emotion – without judgment. That’s a big difference.
“You are in physical existence to learn and understand that your energy, translated into feelings, thoughts and emotions, causes allThere are no exceptions. Once you understand this you have only to learn to examine the nature of your beliefs, for these will automatically cause you to feel and think in certain fashions. Your emotions follow your beliefs. It is not the other way around.” ~ Seth, The Nature of Personal Reality, session 614.
November 21, 2008
Well, T.G.I.F. to me!! I’m at Picasso’s as I write this.
Actually, as I was writing that I had a flash of two different shapes. One was a long cylinder and the other was a wedge. Different symbols representing two different perspectives. The cylinder is open-ended, potentially going on forever, and sometimes being in Kelowna feels like that – as if there’s no end to it. I remember when I was landing the twotter with A., how it felt like I was going to simply float along parallel to the ground… I almost had to push the stick through the dashboard to get it down.
The wedge is a very different symbol, representing an intersection or a collapsing envelope of time. In thinking about it I think an hourglass timer would be better. Think about it – the hourglass counts down even when there’s nobody to see it. Still, the wedge is perhaps better here because the borders aren’t parallel as in the cylinder, but angled. That they will meet is inevitable. The reason the distinction is important because I’ve been living as if my life is the cylinder, open-ended, potentially never changing, but that’s a choice. The wedge, the hourglass, is also a choice but with a much different intention. The wedge says, “I know this is happening, even if I see no evidence of it.” An hourglass in a box still runs down. I am achieving my desires. All of this is true because I’ve dared to imagine it. And daring to imagine is something to be proud of – something to congratulate myself on. People who are afraid to dream try to hold back those who do, but people who dream get us to fly.
Something else that came to me is that everyone imagines their reality whether they realize it or not. Most people limit their imaginations to a world where they imagine they have limits on their dreams… and it just occurred to me that I’ve been imagining a world where changes are coming, slowly, but where I have to deal with what I have now while the changes are being made. Looking at it from that perspective, from the power of choice, I’m still making things too complicated. Relax, let go, and let Spirit carry me.
A thought just popped into my head that I’ve gone from imagining what I don’t want and living what I do want, to imagining what I do want and living what I don’t want. Hmmm…
Funny, sitting here, writing, and I see myself sitting here with my laptop, typing instead. That’s a great thought.
November 22, 2008
Two things: One, I was thinking about some things last night and it came to me that I haven’t let myself believe in the power of my intentions. Simple as that. Because if I did I would be expecting great changes in my life – great changes, great gifts, but based on what I see around me, I don’t. Now, where I am within myself right now this is not a problem because I have no need to berate myself over this. Quite the contrary, actually. I’m glad to have this awareness because it means I have a new place in which to stand, a new place of allowing. So this is a good thing because I can let go of the mental entanglements, love myself more and simply relax, let go and let Spirit carry me. I’ve been willing to allow small gifts, minor changes in my life, and that’s okay because in my own history I once would not have allowed even that. So I’m well pleased with myself, pleased with my new allowing what I have so far and pleased with my new awareness.
The second item relates to judgment, specifically self-judgment. I look at the dynamics of my being here in Kelowna and I’m recognizing how much I’ve been expecting to be judged and found wanting, but more importantly I also see that I don’t need anyone else to do it. I’m quite capable of doing it myself. The voice in my head isn’t coming from anyone else, it’s coming from me.
Okay, it’s 1:06 and I’m going to close out, but I have one final note before I turn in. I’ll write ‘The Neck of the Giraffe’, and that should make sense to me a year from now. I was reading something today and they were describing the scientific method as one whereby one continually make small steps, small shifts, small progress. That got me thinking about manifestations of course, but it also got me thinking about Darwin’s Theory of Evolution – the idea that small advantages built up over time to create new species. In the book ‘The Neck of the Giraffe’, the author talks about this idea and goes on to say that the fossil record doesn’t support this. What we do see are periods of little change followed by big shifts. And I like that idea, because it’s as if I’ve been applying the scientific method to my learning and to my creations. Small shifts, small changes, inching forward. But in the process I’ve been denying the Universe the opportunity to make BIG leaps for me, on my behalf. Hmmm…
“The old beliefs, of course, and the rational approach, are everywhere reinforced, and so it does indeed have a great weight. The magical approach has far greater weight, if you use it and allow yourselves to operate in that fashion, for it has the weight of your basic natural orientation.” ~ Seth, The Magical Approach, session one.
November 23, 2008
An Abraham quote to start:
“I see myself in perfect health. I see myself in absolute prosperity. I see myself invigorated with life, appreciating, again, this physical life experience which I wanted so very much as I decided to be a physical Being. It is glorious to be here, a physical Being, making decisions with my physical brain but accessing the power of the Universe through the power of the Law of Attraction.” ~ Abraham-Hicks
Well, I’m at Starbucks once again. I picked up ‘This Thing Called You’ today for the first time since I’ve been here, and of course the section where I opened it was perfect. I’ll have to add it into my notes, but basically it said that God doesn’t have problems, just answers, and so when I perceive that I have a problem I should simply consider it a question and know that the answer has already been found. It reminds me of that section of the CC writings where it says that in every moment where I accept that my desire has already been achieved I’m moving toward it, and in moments where I doubt it, I slow my progress. So crank it up!
A couple more thoughts… One, there are very few Seth quotes that bother me, but there are a couple. That got me thinking, though, that if Seth were here with me and I told him that I was using his words as a way to limit myself, he’d tell me to forget everything he said. Actually, he already said as much when it said it was clear they weren’t creating a new dogma, and when he said not to put the words of gurus, teachers, or his words above my own divine connection. So I’m left without excuses there!
As I was walking down to the store I saw someone changing the windshield wipers on his car, and that brought forth some more beliefs I’ve had about wealth. The people I used to know would make fun of someone who paid someone else to change their windshield wipers or change their flat tire, for example. In the past I’ve done so myself. But just today I saw these sorts of comments as resistance. Yes, well hidden behind masks of bravado or masculinity or whatever, but resistance nonetheless. A really strong man, wealthy or not, is one who is kind, gentle, caring, giving, offers support, encouragement, etc. One who doesn’t judge anyone, not even himself. And it brings back to me again that wealth is a part of who I am, but it’s no longer my greatest desire. My greatest desire is to be whole, open, loving, and to live in that world. My greatest desire is to be an expression of Source, to live in a world where great gifts are given and received. That’s my focus.
The next thought I had is when I think back a few years I was gravely concerned that my inner self or some other aspect of my being was in control of my life, leaving ‘Me’ as a puppet subject to the will of my greater self. As I navigate through these understandings, however, I find over and over again that there is a gentle hand at my back but I have been shown only massive amounts of love, support and gentle guidance… an infinity of patience.
One more thing that came to me today is that I often think of my younger self and clearing a path that will make things easier for the younger ‘Me’. At the same time I want to connect more to my older self for guidance and to give thanks. Actually, as I wrote that I realized that was too linear. Let me change that to connecting and sharing with all of me so that together we can all learn and grow. Something that came to mind as I was typing this section was something I’ve never considered before. It uses a linear analogy, but let’s say that time is like a trail along which I walk. But since there’s more than one ‘Me’, there are aspects of my being – a future self so to speak, just as there are those aspects of my being that constitute my younger self. And let’s say that as I walk this trail of life I make discoveries, develop new insights and new understandings, and that these insights are marked on the trail as I pass them so that when some other version of ‘Me’ passes this point, the insights and ideas are available. It’s like leaving a bundle along the trail for someone else to find. Of course things aren’t linear and so it’s not like that at all, and even if it was it’s not that my future self has figured everything out ahead of ‘Me’. I add my own insights and ideas to the mix. So maybe rather than being deposited in ‘time’, they’re left at certain levels of actualization, to be discovered when I’m able to handle them. I must admit that the self I was a few years ago would have a hard time taking on all that I’ve discovered, all at once. Hmmm…
I was writing about judgment today, and in thinking about judgment it occurred to me that all so-called negative beliefs are judgments of the self. That’s a perspective I hadn’t considered before. Furthermore, all judgment is self-judgment. If I judge others, I am in effect looking at myself. If someone judges me, it’s because my vibration or alignment or whatever gives him or her permission to do so. I’m going to have to play with this some more, but I like it because it changes how I look at limiting or negative beliefs.
Last Thursday I was down at the Bohemian for the Express Series lecture – this one was on local artists, and they had tables of their wares set up in front. After the talks and when everyone was packing up and leaving, one of the vendors made a comment about my full beard and my long hair. She asked me how long it’s been since I cut it. I told her quite honestly that I don’t remember the last time it was trimmed, but it got me thinking afterward. One thing I can say is that the last time I had short (shoulder-length) hair was in 1978 – 30 years ago. That means I haven’t had a haircut in J.’s lifetime.
Something that came to me last night was that although I still think back to when I was a child, and have used those experiences from my childhood in defining who I am today, I have to remember that I’m no longer that child. I’m not new to this world, nor am I powerless to change my world. I am a fully aware, strong, powerful, multidimensional spiritual being. I am so powerful I am a co-creator with All That Is, using all of my Self to create all that I Am. It’s important to remember that.
Something else that came to me today was, in Abraham terms, “The answer from the Universe is always Yes!” Given that as a basis, who am I to say ‘no’ to my own requests of my self? Actually, connected to that was a memory from when I was younger, and because of money issues combined with pride, I wouldn’t allow anyone else to provide for me things that I couldn’t get for myself. If someone bought me a glass of pop in a restaurant I’d refuse to drink it because I couldn’t afford it. Makes me wonder how much I’m still playing that same old game with myself. Except I shoot myself in the foot over this one because it’s all of Me providing for all of Me. There is no ‘somebody else’ here. Still, I’m going to have to give it some more thought because my conscious mind/ ego is like the younger me, and the aspects of my Being who are responsible for reality creation are like the others I knew when I was young. For how long have I been denying my Self the opportunity to change my life because I’ve wanted to do it “myself”? Hmmm…
And finally, I was thinking on my way back here from the store that in my memories of Lumeria, using the example I’ve often used before, if someone wanted a hammer they would simply imagine one and it would appear. That sounds simple enough, but it’s important for me to note that if they imagined a hammer, a hammer appeared. It wasn’t a case of someone imagining a hammer and being provided with a chunk of tree branch and a pile of iron ore from which to make a hammer…
Okay, I’m going to close out, but before I do I want to leave myself with this Seth quote. Came across it again today, and I think the last four sentences are really important (emphasis mine):
“Cherish the gifts of the gods. Don’t be so anxious to throw your individuality back into their faces, saying, ‘I’m sick to death of myself and of my individuality; it burdens me.’ Even one squirrel’s consciousness, suddenly thrown into the body of another of its kind, would feel a sense of loss, encounter a strangeness, and know in the sacredness of its being that something was wrong. Wear your individuality proudly. It is the badge of your godhood. You are a god living a life – being, desiring, creating. Through honoring yourself, you honor whatever it is God is, and become a conscious co-creator.” ~ The “Unknown” Reality, Vol. 2, April 15.