She Says – Who Needs Ya, Baby?

Hello Dear Ones!

Back in another life – a long, long time ago and far, far away … I was a wife, a mother, an employee – all full-time.  Less often, but several times a week – and mostly by telephone, I was a friend to several. Part-time I was a daughter, sister,  granddaughter, cousin, niece. Part-time I was a university student via correspondence – doing my homework and research papers at the same time and at the same table with my kids doing their homework. Once a week at rehearsal, occasionally at community shows and once a year at the annual international conference, I was one of many bass singers in a women’s barbershop quartet chorus.

Being a wife and mother, my services were almost constantly in demand. Someone always seemed to need me.  At work – though any warm body having successfully taken their training would have been acceptable – I filled a chair and provided a service to customers who needed product or assistance from my employer’s company. In other aspects and roles of my life, I found myself building a reputation for being the one to go to for counsel. The phone was a regular hot-line. People needed me. I liked being needed.  It defined my role in life.

Our topic today is: What if nobody needed you?

What happened to me when I found myself no longer needed? It all came crashing down around me within a mere few months. The boys were grown and gone, my marriage ended, my job was obliterated with corporate downsizing, a new relationship was blossoming, I moved to a different city … the list goes on and on. Everything changed. And it was a series of AHA moments that helped me understand that more change was needed – change from within myself and for my Self! I so honour and appreciate the spiritual path I have chosen to travel. The journey into Self is a most rewarding experience – rich beyond belief.

Yet going from being one who existed to be needed to one who now steps away from people who express a neediness in their interactions with me was not an easy transition. Nor is it complete. There are times when I revert back to old patterns. Not as often and, blessings be, not for as long.

The process is as unique to each individual as is your own personal story. For some, stepping away from being needed is not a possibility. Being needed is their only source of identification. Take that away and they’d fall apart. Others keep the ties because it nurtures them – they feel good being able to provide something for others in whatever fashion they can. It adds value to their existence.

Me, I prefer to see each individual as a powerful, spiritual, multi-dimensional being capable of standing on their own physically, emotionally, and spiritually – doing what they need to do for themselves, by themselves, or at least at their own choosing. Should I support any perceived neediness, my encouragement of such a lack within them is, to me, a dishonouring of the best that is truly who they are at the core of their being. If I don’t help them, you ask, won’t someone else fill the role? A possibility, true – yet it would not be me who dishonours them.

Over the past week I’ve collected several quotes related to this topic. Each represents a different aspect of being needed, being needy and what it may be like to be neither. Read them below. You can make your own judgment call on what, if any, significance this may hold for you!

“It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.”
~ Albert Einstein

“Solitude is strength; The man who needs a mob to nerve him is much more alone than he imagines.” ~ Paul Brunton

“What a lovely surprise to finally discover how unlonely being alone can be.”
~ Ellen Burstyn

“When we behave authentically we are endearing to others and happy with ourselves.”
~Vicki Wolfson

“If you don’t change your beliefs, your life will be like this forever. Is that good news?”
~ W. Somerset Maugham

“There is no loneliness to the clear-eyed mystic/ In this luminous, brimming/ Playful world.” ~ Hafiz

“Now is the time. Needs are great, but your possibilities are greater.”
~Bill Blackman

Create an incredible week for yourselves, Dear Ones!

In Light and Laughter,



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