Hello Dear Ones!
Well, if you read our joint post – you are aware that I am truly and deeply disappointed that I did not get the job of my dreams. *Sigh*
I did all the ‘right’ things – as far as my teachings are concerned. I was openly and honestly (I still am, every moment of every day) appreciative of all that I DO have in my life. I found ways of vibrating at a peak level of excitement while envisioning all the ways I fit into the dream of working in that particular new job, providing skills and services I enjoy tackling, with people I respect and admire, interacting with folks that inspire and enlighten and challenge, in a fabulous environment and with the added remuneration and benefits that could offer stability to Mike’s and my ongoing and precarious financial status.
Am I satisfied that I did everything I could? Yes. Am I happy with my performance and my abilities? Absolutely! Could or should I have done anything differently? Nothing that I was inspired to do in any other fashion than what I did. Did I do my best? Without question.
But I didn’t get the job.
What went wrong? What did I fail to do? Or did I do too much? Or was it not the right job for me? Did the Universe, or the Divine, or God, or All That Is feel that someone else needed or wanted the job more than I did? Was the outcome within my control? Was it always outside of my control and I never had a chance anyway, no matter what lovely compliments I received the night they told me someone else was to fill the position?
This has become a sensitive issue. Heck, it has always been a sensitive issue! I want but don’t dare acknowledge that I want for fear of seeming selfish. I dare to dream, and as much as I can and do all the right things, there is an underlying belief that though I know I am qualified, I have to squelch the negative thoughts that surface telling me that maybe I’m too old, too over-qualified, too pushy (I managed a hotel/resort with 23 staff, after all) to take on this simpler job. At some level did I believe that if someone else got this job in their reality that meant I couldn’t also have this job in mine?
As a human, I can rationalize now that I wasn’t offered the job because maybe I’d have been bored with the position. Or potentially this organization has another, better position to offer me in the days and weeks ahead. Mike mentioned that I may get a phone call early next week asking me specifically to interview for another position that has miraculously opened up because they can’t imagine moving forward without me being part of their team! (Ya, Mike’s such a dear that way!)
But the human part of me that was turned down doubts such a phone call will come next week. Oh, I’d love to believe it. It’s flattering to think that the Universe would conspire with these people to create an even better job for me. Yet I’m sad, hurt, disappointed and, truthfully, angry. I’m angry at myself for what I failed to do right. I’m angry at the Universe for not providing what I wanted. I’m angry that I have to stay where I am in my current job because it does not provide the financial stability that two people need to exist at the very basest level of survival (I work retail at slightly less than full-time hours with no benefits). [Hear the less than appreciative comments in there when I think of what I perceive to be the realities of my physical existence … ?]
Somewhere in my vibrational resonance is an imbalance – remember that many of my strongest teachings come from Abraham through Esther Hicks and the Law of Attraction. I rev high on topics, ideas and dreams I want, getting excited and enthusiastic as I envision their fulfillment. I know how I feel having these experiences manifest in my life. Yet I find my thought patterns returning again and again to less than high vibrational frequncies. What has been a lifetime of patterned behaviour steps in to bring me down, to think less than high vibrating thoughts, to question my own wisdom and the inner voice of Source energy pulsing through me. To use a helium balloon analogy: it’s like I know how to fly and have all the tools – lightness of being, buoyancy, desire – yet my hand is on a string preventing the balloon from reaching its full potential, gaining the altitude to which it could naturally reach if unencumbered with the string and my attachment to it.
So where do I go from here? That’s what has me in deep thought this afternoon as I write on this topic. I always want to leave you, our readers, with something strong, powerful and positive as a closing concept – making your visit here worth your time.
Today, I am being challenged to come up with anything as I have no answers for myself in the moment. What is coming to mind is for me to get back into the daily routine of listening to the simple and profound short video on the subject of Being in the Vortex – by Esther Hicks herself. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched it and it never ceases to cause tears of immense awe to surface.
Time for another boost of inspiration from the Vortex – where I choose to be every moment of every day.
In Light and Laughter,
Follow this link to read Mike’s View.