She Says – Then and Now

Hello Dear Ones!

There was a time then‘ when I wanted all that society told me I was entitled to have. They were not dreams – the house and two cars, two kids and a cat, the fat bank account and travel where and when I wanted – they were expectations. After all, I was a suburban, middle class housewife (with my former husband). It was what I was taught that I would have by default from the very society that taught me.

Sounds idyllic? It wasn’t for me – the person I was ‘then‘. You see, I didn’t have it all! The townhouse was a rental. The one car went to the major city with the Mr., and I used the bus to get around on errands. Vacations were in a used soft-top pop-up trailer during the two weeks that Mr.’s company closed for the summer. The bank account went from just barely enough to cover expenses to mere pennies from empty.

What I did have that was exceptional was the two kids – wonderful children! Every mother’s dream.  And my sons have grown in to fine young men. Strong. Talented. Wise. ( BTW: yes, we did have various cats over the years as well.)

Now‘, in looking back, I realize so simply yet emphatically that I was missing the key element to a life lived to the fullest – a recognition of myself as a powerful, spiritual, multi-dimensional being connected always as part of All That Is. There is no separation of my Self from this Source of all life and all existence.

Then‘ I saw myself as wanting control and yet having no control – none. Frightened. Confused. Powerless.

Now‘ I realize the bounty that lays before me always. There is choice in all aspects of my life and living. There is such gratitude for the blessings that fill my existence to overflowing. There is no expectation of societal norms. I live in the moments of my days. Each and every moment is different from the moment before it. This moment brings me options for choice. Am I living my highest joy in this moment? If not, then I can choose to do so. If I choose not to do so, then the consequences and the potentially negative results and responsibilities are mine to deal with. When I choose to live my joy, then all I encounter flows lovingly, passionately, playfully, powerfully.

You see, I went from being frightened to being confident; from confused to knowing what it is I want from this moment in my life; from powerless to powerful. Remember that this is a lifestyle change that has developed over time and with loving patience and the occasional reversion back to the past – after all, during my ‘then‘ years, it was a lifestyle that had permeated my way of life for many decades. I do slip up in my ‘now‘ days on occasion – but certainly not as often and definitely for less and less duration of  time. When I slip it is usually at times when I feel the emotions of fear and uncertainty. At those times when I do not call upon my connection to Source and the innate knowledge and wisdom that resides within us all – that is when I revert back to old patterns. Always a yucky feeling, yet it’s funny that that old and awful feeling seems safer in the moment than the knowing that I might need to change and step up and step out into the unknown yet again. An old rut, like an old pair of slippers, has a sense of comfort to it – odd as that may seem. And so staying in that rut is – or seems – safer.

Now‘ my days are filled exuberantly with joy. There is laughter and play, passion and creativity, learning and expression of my Self in all aspects of my existence. I no longer follow the rules and regulations laid out in the “This is What is Expected of You in Your Society Today” handbook. I exist ‘now‘ to fulfill the moment by moment situations that arise within my life and my days. There is magic and marvel and synchronicity daily.

Here’s a simple example of that magic and synchronicity: I had read a wonderful book by a local author about a year ago. I was looking to read more of his works, yet could not remember his name. I mentioned to Mike, just the other day, my request to learn of this man’s name once again. This morning, someone I e-mail regularly had been out to a craft show where she met and learned about a man and his wife from around here who had written several books  both individually and together as a couple. She wondered if I might have heard of them as she thought I might be interested in reading their work. Well, yes, you guessed it! It was the very author I had been searching for.

What? That sort of thing happens to you as well? Wonderful! Then you are, in that very moment, open to the magic of the Universe, and the Universe is conspiring with you to make your desires happen! Think of life every moment of every day unfolding in that very fashion! Doesn’t it just make you want to have that magic and marvel always … not just on occasion? It can be so. Living in each moment, giving in to and doing what feels right NOW is the way to allow yourself the fluidity of connection to Source energy and the bounties of the Universe of which you are a vital, essential part.

Eckhart Tolle writes of the Power of Now. My copy of that book is getting lovingly worn out! I have found that in going with the flow of each of my ‘now‘ moments, I have a better handle on what it is I am feeling and wanting in each of those moments. It is from those individual choices that my life flows with such joy and balance. When I deny those moments, the choices I recognize as my options, and when I attempt to take back control of outcomes (and usually of the people to whom those outcomes affect), that’s when I revert back to my old and negative behaviours and the resulting less-than-pleasant consequences.

My e-friend and co-blogger Samantha Standish has recently written a powerfully wise post that almost took the breath from me when I first read it. Samantha is living more and more in her now moments and finding amazing outcomes in her life. She is able to stand back and observe her life from a more neutral stance. Such a stance makes it easier to make choices in any given moment. Making choices from a place of being a neutral observer allows for a richness of experience beyond what most of us grant to ourselves in the society to which we are attached from childhood and by institutionalized education and upbringing. Read Samantha’s post here. But do note this is not for the light of heart – though to live this way lightens the heart beyond measure!!!!!

My ‘then‘ was who I used to be. If I tell stories about that time in my life, then I am revisiting the energy of that time as well. If those stories were less than ideal, then I draw to myself a continued request to the Universe, Source, the God of my understanding that I want more of that energy – which I certainly do not want! Yet the Universe, Source energy and the God of my understanding does not differentiate between what I say I want and what I choose to match vibrationally. So when I tell those old and unhappy stories, to myself or to others, when I think those old thoughts and vibrate to the old negative patterns, guess what happens? More of the same comes my way.

My ‘now‘ is filled with all good thoughts, feelings and experiences that vibrate to a higher, lighter, more grateful and appreciative resonance. The Universe, Source, the God of my understanding says, “Sure, you want this wonderful energy in your life? Then more of this wonderful life you shall have!”

Does it seem simple? It can be. That depends upon you. It depended upon me when I first began. I’m grateful that there are teachers such as Eckhart Tolle, Dr.Wayne Dyer, Abraham, Dr. Michael Beckwith, Deepak Chopra and others who have brought these teachings to the general public. The lessons and the learning is there for us all. When each of us is ready, the teacher will appear. Are you ready?

In Light and Laughter,


Follow this link to read Mike’s View.