Hello Dear Ones!
Quite the revelation with the reading of a single Energy Medicine Card a few days ago. A sudden arousal of emotion – unbidden, ill-timed (I was at work) and intense – caused a cessation of work and a flood of tears. I immediately sensed the need to go to this simple pack of beautifully illustrated cards to pull one from the deck. Here again is the choice that was revealed that day:
Examine your beliefs. Assess your emotions. Wherever there is historical pattern, be willing to throw it out and see anew.
~ Energy Medicine Cards
Here’s the scene: it is early evening, Pacific Standard Time; it is dark outside; mid-to-late November with wind chills of -20 Celsius, rare for this part of the country; my bus is late. As I await the tardy mode of transport to get me home for dinner, I recall the other day at work: a commercial on the local radio station promoting the Christmas purchase of an item I knew at this point in my life I would not receive this year, had never received, have always wanted. This item is something I certainly do not need, yet have dreamed of receiving.
Suddenly the tears well up and I have to leave the floor to hide my emotions. I am feeling anger at my own poverty, resentment at knowing I’ll not be getting that gift, envy of those who will receive that item, and shame at wanting something unnecessary when there are so many in the world who have less than me.
“To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
How dare I perceive this issue as a hell to me when so many would see my life as heaven? I take the time to go to the Energy Medicine Cards for what I feel could be Divine guidance. The releasing card quote is what was revealed to me.
Back to this particular evening. The thoughts that arise within me, still selfish, are the following: This darkness, this coldness, this waiting stems from poverty, obligation and historical patterns repeated endlessly. I do not like the emotions that are surging within me, yet know I must address them or they shall continue to control me. All of the aspects of the releasing card quote are ones I can recognize and deal with … with one exception – the words “see anew”.
What comes to the forefront of my mind’s ramblings are that I can not ‘see’ anything that is not within my comprehension to recognize.
Have any of you seen the movie What the Bleep Do We Know? There is a scene where a shaman is looking out over the waters of a vast ocean. In the distant horizon there is nothing he can see initially except water and sky. We, the audience, know that there are ships out there. The shaman can not see them because such modes of water transport do not exist in his reality – he can not even conceive of such immense vehicles. Unable to conceive of them, he can not see them.
This is how I am feeling right now: as though there is something totally beyond my ken, my scope of comprehension and perception, far outside of my concept of reality that it can not be brought into my sight at this time. So, though I may be aware of my emotions, of the historical patterns that shape and continuously resurface in my life, it is hard to throw them out when there is nothing known to me that can back-fill into the void that would remain.
Then today I open my Facebook to a comment from a dear friend in Kelowna (Hi Patti!) who provided this quote:
“It’s time you stopped hiding from life, and said yes to the adventure of being alive. Enough of the routine already. Go on, have an adventure, do what you always wanted deep within your heart. Do what brings you alive, and the universe will open doors where there were only walls.”
No source provided …
I gasped, and the tears arose once again. Historical patterns – repetitious events of outcome with the same failing results intended as teaching tools for lessons I have not apparently learned. This particular, often experienced historical pattern of insufficiency told me I couldn’t do what I so wanted to do … to say YES to that adventure, the absence of which was eating away at my insides, killing me as surely as if I were one of the walking dead …
… and yet, I want to see anew … I want to live that adventure, to feel truly alive … so I put it out there to the Divine that drew me to that simple little card in the drawer … that I am ready … ready to see with new eyes … ready to challenge my beliefs … ready to open up to new possibilities …
In the joy of fresh, new Light and its resulting Laughter,
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