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Marcia's Meanderings: From Anger to Forgiveness of Self

Hello Dear Ones!

A friend has a deck of meditation cards. You shuffle them while considering a question you want answered or an issue or emotion you want clarified. Since yesterday’s decision to no longer wear the mask of anger (see my blog post Anger = Fear, Masked) I wanted to know where to step next – what direction to take to heal this issue further. The wording on the card was generally this:

“Forgiveness is for you and you alone.”

Forgiveness. My next step. Forgiveness. And in the way it was worded, apparently I need to forgive myself – not the Universe, God or the Divine – not the people who made the decision not to hire me. Just me: me, myself alone. Ha! Easier said than done!

I chose to dream a dream. I revelled in its potential. I did all I could to envision its unfolding, vibrating at what I felt to be peak performance at matching the way I knew I would feel –  I did feel! – taking on the new role in a new job that was custom made and right up my alley. It wasn’t an arrogance, it was a happy confidence I felt!

Then, like other dreams I dared to dream, this one was dropped, to be crushed and broken, laying on the ragged-rocks of reality. If I can’t blame someone or something, then it means I need to turn my attention to myself. Ya, like that’s an easy thing to do! Ha, once again!

How does one forgive oneself, when that self has no idea what s/he has done wrong? Thinking that sentence has the anger rising within me again – feeling the victim to a situation perceived to be beyond my control.

“Breathe. Breathe more slowly. Breathe deeply. Breathe slowly and deeper still,” that’s me talking to me as I release the anger once again.

There has to be a valuable lesson in all this for me! My dear friend, author and visionary, Cindy Teevens inspires me with her soon-to-be published book The Alchemy of Love and Joy. Cindy, through her own personal journey and life experience, teaches us ways to awaken love and joy into our lives.  Cindy, my friend, if you will forgive my pale pun … I certainly could take a page (or many) from your book regarding this very issue! It is time for me to reacquaint myself with the innate state of love and joy within me and grant myself the acceptance of this perceived disappointment as the valuable teaching tool I have chosen it to be. Then forgive myself – not for failing at anything, but for the simple fact of not recognizing sooner the opportunity of learning from the experience.

Moving from anger to acceptance and then from acceptance to forgiveness allows me the grace to move ever closer to a state of love of self and, completing the perfection of the growth, to a place of joy, magic and the marvel of physical existence. Today I am stepping into the potential of seriously forgiving myself. A much better place to be in than I was a mere two days ago …

In Light and with a tinkling glimmer of Laughter!

Marcia

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