Hello Dear Ones!
For those of you who follow me regularly, you will likely have noticed my recent absence. I am in my second week back at working in a full-time job. My decision to take on this responsibility was based on perceived financial need. Its joyful benefits (such as the people I am privileged to work with and the customers) have proved to be a delightful blessing.
Blessing that it is in so very many ways, life with out-of-home work is proving to be a challenge for me. Counting in the eight hours on the job five days a week, plus the prep time (I am using an alarm-clock for the first time in almost a year), plus the transportation time (I travel one hour each way by bus) … adds up to a great deal of time. All of that is time away from my husband, from my writing, from my computer, and my Twitter family.
What I have been attempting to do the past two weeks is to regain balance within myself. There is a dynamic difference between the freedom that I had, and thoroughly enjoyed, and with what I am finding I must do to exist in the working world. Such a dramatic contrast! And it has been essential for me to determine the value I place on those things that I had grown to savour during this past year of freedom. Freedom, certainly, is at the top of the list.
Recognizing those people, things and experiences that hold the most value for me and finding ways of incorporating them into my new work-life in some fashion, I am finding, is an ongoing process. The little girl in me who wants to return to a life of freedom has been voicing her temper tantrums quite audibly! She’s ready to kick and scream and yell at anyone who will listen – and those who don’t care to pay her any mind at all (including my own self!) – that she doesn’t like this new situation – not one single bit!
Yet there is also a longing that has arisen within me – a longing to be elsewhere. It has resulted in huge imbalances in my vibrational patterns. Rather than being totally satisfied with where I am and with the choice I made in what I perceived to be from a place of wisdom providing financial stability to our previously precarious life situation, I am aching to return to the life of freedom I had so enjoyed in all other aspects of my life.
The contrast between what I had and what is now before me is complex. On one hand, to have finances, I believe I need to work. On the other hand, to have my freedom, I believe I have no source of income. Beliefs are such tricky things … and dwelling on these contrasts keeps my vibrational resonances in a constant state of flux. The Divine must be thoroughly confused by now: “Marcia, what is it you truly want? What do you actually believe? What are you ready and willing to commit to in order to allow me to conspire on your behalf to provide you?”
I have been doing all I can – some days more, other days less successfully – to find ways to bring a sense of balance back into my life. It is interesting to note that my greatest obstacle has been my free time. I am home today – a week day, as I don’t ever get two-day weekends off together – and rather than getting up early and filling my hours with writing (particularly my poetry) and e-mails and Twitter, I slept in and arose antsy, restless, uncertain, incomplete … actually somewhat fearful, as though there was something I should have been doing and couldn’t remember what that something might be. It was a very odd sensation!
When I realized that I needed to grant myself permission to rest today, the decision to do so set my mind at peace. I chose to go to Renee Luwigs’ website: An Island Perspective to gain a sense of relaxation. Envisioning myself living life on an island, basking in the sun, sauntering leisurely along a sandy beach, napping under the shade of a palm-tree … gave me, through meditation, a sense of peace in the short time I allowed myself to be in such a precious place within myself.
As Sonia Choquette (Healing with the Masters with Jennifer McLean) has been known to say, we are only a breath away from anything that causes anxiety, concern, challenge, fear … breathe into it! I just finished listening to Sonia’s interview today and I was pleased to know that the breathing that I have been doing by choice this week is the ideal, simple, and liberating exercise that she recommends. I would add one more facet that I have been incorporating into my work days – I find myself smiling so much more! Afraid? Breathe. Breathe, then smile. Uncertain? Breathe. Breathe then smile. Angry? Breathe. Breathe, then smile. Breathing and smiling creates a state of fearlessness and total relaxation!
During this Island Perspective meditation today, I again returned to the breath. I began to breathe deeply, slowly. Allowing myself to breathe, I breathed in the luxury of the Island experience. Breathe. Breathe in the warmth of the sun. Breathe. Breathe in the sensation of toes wiggling deeply into the wet sand, feet completely disappearing, legs ending at the ankles. Breathe. Breathe in the quiet. Breathe. Breathe the body into languorous relaxation.
And in a short time – a mere half hour for the meditative journey to unfold within – I returned in a state of balance to the here and now, rejuvenated and ready once again to make wise choices in the moment. This one half hour … was an incredible investment in myself! (Thanks, as always, Renee!)
Remaining in a place of balance may prove to be an ongoing process over the days and weeks ahead. It will last as a challenge for as long as I choose to allow it to evade or impede my growth – for whatever valuable lessons I may provide to myself. Though I miss my connections here immensely, I shall continue to come to this venue as often as I choose to allow myself the time and inclination. It is, after all, up to me in both the short- and the long-run … whatever value I decide to place on its impact in my life. Today the impact has extreme value – as do each of you.
Thank you for stopping by to connect!
In Light and Laughter,