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Marcia's Meanderings - The Immobilizer

Hello Dear Ones!

Sunday’s She Says – Embracing Perfection post may have given you a hint as to what my discussion might be today.

Two very powerful reasons almost brought that potential to a screeching halt:

1. The weekend’s passionate excitement became yesterday’s fear.
2. Yesterday’s fear brought forward old beliefs of not being good enough.

The plans I had to take my first baby steps forward into a new venture yesterday fizzled out with self-doubt and fear traumatizing my courage and questioning my value. What right had I to approach people promoting my hobby as a tool they should a) need and b) pay for … ? If there was no value to my own self in what I do, how did I expect others to see value in this?

Confidence flew out the window and perched on the nearest tree laughing at me, taunting me. I just wanted to cry. Yet I wanted to sleep – lay down, take a nap and forget the ugliness I was feeling inside. The Immobilizer – FEAR – had found a perfect place to nestle, expanding the terror and frozen world of inaction within me.

Doesn’t sound like the Pollyanna – the woman who sees the glass as being full (1/2 liquid plus 1/2 air) – that you’ve come to know over the past 6 months, does it? In Sunday’s post I spoke about embracing the perfection of who I am in every moment – with the excited anticipation of becoming even more. Yet knowing there could potentially be more for me, I was astonished to awake with immense self-doubt. As the day progressed, I became more and more agitated, convinced that my excitement was totally misguided.

My e-friend (and a very wise woman) Renee Ludwigs’ recent post discusses her dog Rudy and his persistence. Sad as it may seem, I envy Rudy his level of ‘dogged’ persistence. Me, I get truly excited about something and it’s the best thing since chocolate … yet, without continued variety and excitement, my enthusiasm has the potential to dwindle, fizzle, sputter and die.

Thinking back, I realized that only the things that kept me impassioned over time ever made it from the drawing board out into the ‘real’ world. I had to give serious thought as to whether this new adventure had such potential within me – enough to give me the ‘dogged’ determination to not only start but to follow through to its finish.

I decided today that it did have that characteristic.

The first step I was going to take yesterday and did not – I took today! I just hit the ‘SEND’ button on an e-mail that has the potential to jettison me into an exciting future!

Pollyanna is still alive and well and she’s living in Victoria, BC, Canada! And the Immobilizer? The Immobilizer has been vanquished … for this situation at least!

In Light and Laughter,

Marcia

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